Crossroad Online2020-08-18T14:02:54-04:00

Crossroad Online

Stinking Irony

Hi this is Pastor Ken and these are my thoughts on a Thursday…Stinking Irony.

I took a trip this past week that traversed seven states to purchase a motorcycle, and yes before anyone asks…it was still a good deal when I included the gas it took to go get it. However, this podcast isn’t about motorcycles or the price of gas though I am sure I could make some connection between those things and some biblical truth. This episode is about something I stepped on while stopping at one of the many rest stops I visited on my trip. As I walked along one of the concrete sidewalks that led to the bathrooms at one particular location, I stepped on a round metal lid placed in the concrete. Cast into the iron lid were the words “Sanitary Sewer”. I have seen these words many times in the past. Prior to entering full-time ministry I worked for a heavy equipment construction company that placed many of those particular lids in sidewalks and streets during my tenure there.

For those of you who may not know there are two kinds of sewer lines underground. There are “Storm Sewers” which are conduits made of concrete, metal or plastic which convey rainwater runoff from impermeable surfaces like buildings, parking lots and roadways, ultimately to places where it can be introduced safely into natural bodies of water. The other kind of sewer lines are called “Sanitary Sewers” and they are anything but…sanitary. These are the lines that carry the sewage from our sinks, showers and toilets to the waste water treatment plant. When I was in the business of installing new portions of these so called “Sanitary Sewer” lines to existing infrastructure I was always somewhat amused by the name stamped into the manhole covers. “Sanitary sewer” just seemed like such an oxymoron to me. It is a “Stinking Irony” indeed.

As I stepped on that manhole last week and read those words cast in iron, “Sanitary Sewer” it made me think of a few verses I had been reading recently in my devotional time. In his Epistle, James, the half-brother of Jesus wrote about a “Stinking Irony” that we all need to be aware of lest we find ourselves reeking of that very condition. In James 3:7-11 we read the following from the New King James Version. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? I also really like the way Dr. Tim Jennings put it in his paraphrase The Remedy there it says; 7Humans have tamed all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea,8but no one can make their words harmless. The mouth speaks venomous words, expressing the chaos and evil within the heart.9One moment we praise God our Father, and the very next moment we curse the very men and women created in his image.10Think about it: Out of the same mouth come both praises and curses. My brothers and sisters, this is wrong, and it must stop.11Does a spring bring forth fresh water one moment and sewage the next?

Last week in this podcast I eluded to what I am talking about today. If we are not ever vigilant about the condition of our hearts, we risk acting out of selfishness. When you mix selfishness with the most difficult thing in all humanity to control…the tongue…the risk of stinking irony rises dramatically. James says that 9One moment we praise God our Father, and the very next moment we curse the very men and women created in his image. This can happen in so many ways and seemingly in the blink of an eye. As I noted last week we can be singing along to the Christian radio station in the car one minute and be yelling at the person who so irreverently cut us off in traffic the next. While that may be an easy one for many people to relate to, it certainly isn’t the only example. What about when we smile and say “Sure thing boss!” to our employer and then take every available opportunity to tell our co-workers what a jerk the boss is? How about spending Sunday morning in quote-unquote “Worship” and then gossiping all the way home about others in church and all of the inconsistencies we perceive to exist in their lives? How about the way we use our moral high ground as Christians to justify verbally crucifying our political opponents? The fact of the matter is that these examples I have noted simply scratch the surface of all of the ways we come up with to fulfill the verse above and praise God out of one side of our mouth while we curse His creation out of the other.

I think James was right to ask us to consider this uncomfortable truth about our “Stinking Irony”.10Think about it: Out of the same mouth come both praises and curses. My brothers and sisters, this is wrong, and it must stop.11Does a spring bring forth fresh water one moment and sewage the next? None of us would be willing to go down into a sewer manhole, fill a cup and drink its contents. No one among us would consider it no matter how sanitary the manhole lid said it was. You can’t get fresh water from a sewer. Nor can pure water come from a place that allows even a little bit of sewage in. If I had a 5 gallon bucket of water and added only one cup of raw sewage into it…would you drink it? I hope not. Because even a little sewage allowed into the water contaminates the whole bucket.

What can help us overcome allowing sewage to contaminate our spring meant only to produce fresh water? Conforming to the image of Christ. One of the things we know about Jesus is that though He was reviled…He reviled not. That means that though he had every justification in the world for lashing out, for having bad things to say about His own stinking creation beating, torturing and finally executing their own Creator, (Talk about stinking irony) He didn’t do it. Jesus didn’t think or act selfishly, He allowed His outward thinking to selflessly lead Him to the cross. The bible says that for the joy set before Him, in other words for the opportunity to pay for our sin once and for all and to be able to set all of His creation right again, He endured the cross. (Hebrews 12:2)

So now, removing the sewage from the stream where only fresh, clean, clear water is supposed to flow…Go Be Awesome!

Choose Life!

Hi this is Pastor Ken and these are my thoughts on a Thursday…Choosing Life
In past episodes of this podcast I have occasionally shared lessons I learned from experiencing cancer. I say that I experienced cancer because the disease did not cause me all of the pain and difficulty I have witnessed it cause others. Lynn and I have a dear friend who is at this moment battling cancer in a way I never had to, she is literally fighting for her life. When you pray today…please pray for Leasa and her family. As I said, the fight I had with cancer was not as intense as hers and others have been, so I feel it unfair for me to categorize my struggle with theirs.
Unfortunately, my cancer was not discovered until it had already engulfed my prostate. The cancer had a rather aggressive nature and according to my doctors should really only be treated by a complete removal of the affected organ. Other treatments were discussed but only as options for those where the cancer was less aggressive or the disease had not progressed to the extent mine had. Though each alternative treatment was explained, it was made abundantly clear to us that surgery was really the only way to go…if I wanted to live.
With that information in mind, my wife Lynn and I made one of the easiest, weighty decisions we ever have…I would have the surgery. It was weighty because any decision to have an organ removed, even a diseased one, should come only after a healthy dose of consideration. It was easy because choosing to keep the cancerous organ, would lead to death, while choosing to have it removed, would lead to life. When given the opportunity to choose life…choose life!
I have been spending some time reading in the book of James lately in my personal time with the Lord. In James 1:12-17 it says this in the New King James Version: 12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
The spiritual decision before all of us is really no different than the one Lynn and I faced in that hospital room. To make one choice will lead to death, to choose the other will result in life…abundant life.
We are all tempted from time to time. In our current state, we are still subject to being called out to by our own evil selfish desires. We may even know that certain things are not good for us…and yet we can sometimes crave those very things. We can be fully aware that to act in one way toward another would be godly and selfless but still struggle to not look out for number one. We can, as James goes on to write about later say that we love God and even sing aloud his praises flowing into our cars via the Christian radio station…and then curse His creation out of the other side of our mouths when we get cut off in traffic. Examples abound, though I don’t think it necessary to name each one here. The fact of the matter is that when we are faced with those choices and others, it is a life and death decision. Don’t misunderstand. I am not saying that a Christ follower who momentarily exercises poor judgement is in danger of hell-fire. What I am saying is that when given choices like those I mentioned a moment ago, we are making a choice bigger than the particulars of the one at hand.
According to James, if we endure the temptations and make the right choices, the loving, selfless ones, we are blessed, become approved and can look forward to the gift of life, promised to those who love God. He goes on to say that we should understand where the choices come from in the first place. God does not implant in us a longing to do the wrong thing, it would go against His righteous nature. Temptations come from our own selfish desires, and if we give into those cravings, they become sin in our lives. Practicing sin, or in other words, making sinful action a regular and accepted way of life for us, brings death if it is not dealt with. We are all born in a fallen state, and that means we have a sin-nature that has to be controlled. Thank God He has provided the Holy Spirit who offers the ability to apply self-control to our sin nature.
When James says that every good gift, and every perfect gift comes from the Father, he is reminding us that God is good and therefore only offers to us what is good. In fact, He gave us the perfect gift, Jesus, who as the Lamb of God was the only sacrifice sufficient to forgive us of and erase the record of our sinfulness. James wanted us to know that this good, good Father never changes His position, He always loves us and always wants to give us everything we need to be able to choose life.
God is life. Choosing God’s Son, Jesus as Lord and Savior is the only choice that can bring life by eradicating and curing the cancerous sinful condition we all suffer from. James said it and I’ll say it again. When given the opportunity to choose life…choose life!
So now, choosing to live for Jesus because He died for you to cure your sin sickness…Go be awesome!

Marriage & Divorce Vol. 1

Hi, this is Pastor Ken and I want to welcome you to the Monday Marriage Message. Last week we concluded our study of Ephesians 5:21-33. That scripture is wonderful for teaching us as husbands and wives how to prefer one another and submit our own words and actions to be used to selflessly build up the one who God has given to us as a spouse. I love that passage as well because it is such a clear reminder that our marriages are intended to reflect God and the relationship He desires to have with each and every one of us. I really enjoyed taking the opportunity to break that scripture down in a methodical way and attempt to glean from it many of the truths that help us to be better husbands and wives, and to enjoy more effective marriages.

Unfortunately, in our society it would be difficult to have a serious discussion about marriage without at the very least confronting the troublesome subject of divorce. When almost half of all marriages end in divorce, it is a topic that must be addressed. According to the most recent Census, 45% of American marriages end in divorce. Nearly 80% of those who divorce will re-marry and of those who do, the divorce rate for second marriages rises to 60%. The failure rate for subsequent marriages only increases from there. I wish it were not so, but as a podcaster focused on the strengthening of marriages through scriptural teaching I understand that a substantial portion of my audience has personally experienced the effects of divorce. I have never hidden nor tried to disguise the fact that my wife and I have both been through divorce. Though it is a tragedy that I wish had not befallen our lives and the lives of our dear children, I understand that one of the purposes God has resurrected from the pain and difficulty of those broken marriages, is our ability to speak authoritatively on the subject. Our ability to do so however, does not come from any knowledge our experience taught us but rather from the knowledge God’s word reveals and our experiences have simply reinforced.

Over what will likely turn out to be the next several months we will open up two scriptural accounts of the same event. Those accounts are the written record of two different disciples. Mark and Matthew, as they recalled a conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees. Both accounts are individual perspectives, but are inspired by one Holy Spirit. As such, each will add important information to the discussion but will not contradict each another in any way. Those accounts are central to our discussion on the subject because the question brought to Jesus that day by the Pharisees was essentially this; Can people rightly get divorced for any reason they see fit? Jesus’ answer to those men was complex and informative far beyond their simple question, and I believe that as we dive into it deeply we will uncover many wonderful truths.

As I did when we began our study of Ephesians chapter five, I will read for you both of these passages in their entirety this first week and then as we move forward I will break each down verse by verse, or concept by concept. I will as before use supporting scriptures whenever possible to further our understanding of the play-by-play of these two focal passages. Because we will be looking at the two synoptic gospel accounts of Matthew and Mark, I will refer to them in parallel offering the account of each together to gain fuller understanding of Jesus’ comments. Let’s take a few minutes now though to read through both of the passages we will be looking at so closely.

Matthew 19:1-10 in the New King James Version says:

Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” 10 His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

Now let’s read Mark 10:1-10 in the New King James Version it says:

10 Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again. The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” 10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. 11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

These are going to be the two focal scriptures for our discussion of marriage and divorce. It is my hope that as we work our way through these you will be encouraged no matter if you have experienced the trauma of divorce or not. If you have not, it is my prayer that this study will help you to see God’s boundless grace and mercy. It is my hope that you will glean from this study inarguable truths that will assist you to finish well the ministry of marriage that God has entrusted you with. If you are like Lynn and I and you have experienced the difficulty that divorce brings I pray that you will also find encouragement in this exposition of God’s word. I hope that you will come away from this study understanding the overwhelming truth that though God does hate divorce for reasons we will discover, He loves divorcees without limits! In most cases, divorce is not the right thing to engage in, and it is my belief for reasons I will share in later editions that it is never His desire for us, but that does not preclude divorced people from experiencing the best of His love and blessing in their lives. Additionally, I hope to be able to successfully illustrate from God’s own word that His forgiveness is for all, and is complete no matter which of His precepts we have acted contrary to. Finally, it is my hope that as we move into this discussion that for those who have remarried after divorce or are considering doing so, that there are instructions in His word that will lovingly guide us into the blessing of successful marriage that is in no way, shape or form…second rate.

I look forward to this time together just as I did our time in Ephesians 5. I hope you will be eager to join in as well and continue to the conclusion of our study of these passages no matter what your current marital standing.

So now, looking to Christ, listening to His Holy Spirit and investigation God’s Word for all of your instruction as you live your life as unto Him…Go be awesome!

 

Where’s My Phone !?!

Hi, this is Pastor Ken and these are my thoughts on a Thursday…”Where’s my phone!?!”

The other day I got up and did all of the things I do on any other day. I dressed, went downstairs and let the dogs out into the back yard. While they were outside, I started a pot of coffee, put food and water down for them and then let them back in so they could eat their breakfast. Finally, it was time for my wife Lynn and I to settle into our chairs with our steaming cups of coffee and our bibles. We spend this time the same way every morning. We really enjoy getting to see each other invest in our personal relationship with Jesus. Beyond the confidence and spiritual intimacy that instills in our marriage, it offers us the opportunity to share with one another what we are reading about and learning from God’s word. We rarely find that we are reading in the same places in the scripture. As a result, the ability to share with one another what we are personally learning affords us the gift of encouraging each other before we begin our day, each of us going our separate ways to meet daily responsibilities.

As that sweet time came to its unavoidable conclusion that morning, I arose from my chair, filled my travel mug with its prescribed dose of coffee, grabbed my keys and headed out the front door toward my car. I got in as I have done countless times before, turned the key and backed out of the driveway. I was nearly halfway through the 20-minute drive to church when I thought of something I wanted to check on and reached into my pocket for my cell phone…it was not there. I patted my other jean pockets…not there either. I put my hands on my jacket pockets expecting I had simply deposited it there as I grabbed my keys on the way out the door…nope. Surely, it had to be there somewhere. Right? A quick scan of the console and front passenger seat confirmed my suspicions…I had left my cell phone at home.

I felt somewhat unsure what to do. Should I return home to retrieve it and simply be late for work? I decided that wouldn’t be possible because I had a meeting scheduled as soon as I arrived and needed to be there on time. I decided to continue on to my office, email Lynn that I had left it behind, and ask her to bring it to me later in the day.

In the past, I have observed people discover their cell phone missing. Some become perturbed or frustrated without it, knowing that necessary tasks will be more difficult minus their phone in hand. I have watched others exhibit signs of full-blown separation anxiety at the realization that they are detached from their phone. They show visible signs of concern that quickly turn to worry and sometimes even verge on panic that their electronic device is not in their immediate possession. On occasion, I have seen this displayed to the point that you would think the person in question had left some life saving device behind!

Why do we react in those ways when we find that our cell phones are missing albeit temporarily? I believe we have become so dependent upon them that no matter the level, most of us feel some sense of discomfort when we become disconnected from our phones. Many daily activities have become intertwined with the presence of a cell phone. We make and take calls, send and receive texts. With smartphones we have access to social media, news and weather forecasts for literally anywhere on the planet. Just today, I used my phone to play games, take pictures, create a PDF, send emails, listen to a book, look something up in a bible commentary, and check on the prices of a plane ticket to Orlando, Fla. We use our phones for nearly everything. They have become such an integral part of our daily lives it is no wonder we want them close at hand.

The bible talks about something we should be even more careful with than we are our cell phones. Something that we should be far more certain to never let out of our sight and consideration. Interestingly, the way that it speaks about it, one could almost imagine in our day and age that it is in fact, a cell phone that is being referred to. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 reads as follows in the Good News Translation:  “Israel, remember this! The Lord—and the Lord alone—is our God.Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Never forget these commands that I am giving you today. Teach them to your children. Repeat them when you are at home and when you are away, when you are resting and when you are working. Tie them on your [hands]and wear them on your [heads] as a reminder. Write them on the doorposts of your houses and on your gates.

These verses speak of the most important thing we can remember to keep nearby at all times…and it isn’t our cell phone. Verse 4 reminds us that there is only one God, and He is supposed to be our Lord. Understanding full well I risk offending someone, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take today, I have a question. This isn’t a public challenge, and no one but you will know how you answer, so be honest. What would you say your actions indicate is more important to you, your bible or your cell phone? Which do you pay closer attention to? Which would you be more anxious if you didn’t know where it was for a full day? The answers to those questions beg the next. Who is your God? Is it the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, or the god of At&T, T-Mobile and Verizon?

I like the way this scripture covers all of the bases. It reminds us that there can be but one god in our lives, and He ought to be The Lord God. It tells us how we will know who our god is, because who (or what) we love with ALL our heart, ALL our soul and ALL our strength will identify that. Verse 6 gives very important instruction as to how to keep putting God in His rightful place in our lives. We must always remember His instructions to us. We are to find every way possible to remind ourselves daily how He wants us to interact with Him and with those around us. In verse 7 we’re told to teach His ways to our children. We pass on to our kids many things. We illustrate regularly through our words and actions the things we think are most important, and what they should find important as well. The things we give the greatest value to, they will as also. If we want our kids to find God most important, we have to make it evident that nothing could be more important to us than God is in our life.

It goes on to say God’s praise and instruction should always be in the forefront of our conversations. Everywhere and all the time. When we are at home or when we are away. When we are at work or taking it easy. There is no time or place inappropriate to consider what God would have us do. I especially like verse 8. It says we should tie or bind God’s word to our hands and our heads. I like this because it is intended to be symbolic of attaching His written direction to our actions (the hand) and our thoughts (the head), and how we should let Him guide both. However, it is a bit amusing that it is prophetically analogous of the contemporary competition for our attention. Our cell phones are seemingly always either in our hands or held up to our heads.

Finally, in verse 9 we read the closing suggestion. Write them on your doorposts and your gates. This concluding statement is meant to indicate that we should allow God’s word to both define our homes as well as be the reminder of who and whose we are before we leave there each day.

So forget your cell phone from time to time…the world won’t come to an end, that was proven earlier this week while I was a work and mine was at home on my chair. But, don’t go anywhere without the One true God…He holds your world in the palm of His hand.

So now, with God’s word continually on your mind, heart, and lips…Go be Awesome!

Ephesians 5:21-33 Vol. 11

Hi, this is Pastor Ken and I want to welcome you to this week’s Monday Marriage Message. This will be the 11th and final installment in our series focusing on Ephesians 5:21-33.

We finally have reached the last verse of this chapter and this passage concerning marriage. I hope this expository look has been as enjoyable and eye-opening for you as it has been for me. Just as I did as we began this study nearly three months ago, today I will read the passage in its entirety, and we will conclude with today’s focal verse.

Ephesians 5:21-33 in the New King James Version reads as follows.  21 submitting to one another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Last week I made two statements that I want to take a moment to repeat here. Based on verses 30-32 I said that, “The analogy has become the reality”, and that “Marriage between a man and a woman is no longer utilized to simply describe the relationship between us and God but rather has come to define that relationship”. I feel that perhaps those statements need some clarification. In verses 30-32 Paul made three important points.

  1. As Christ followers, we are one flesh with Christ. (Verse 30)
  2. He connected the previous statement with God’s design for marriage to recreate a “One flesh” condition between a husband and a wife reminiscent of the literal “One flesh” condition shared between Adam and Eve. (Verse 31)
  3. Paul reiterated that the fact that God continues to make every man and woman joined in marriage “One flesh” is “mysterious” and in my estimation, miraculous, and is only possible by the all-powerful creative hand of God, but that he was in fact writing that Christ and the church enjoys such a relationship. (Verse 32)

In light of those facts placed into evidence by the Holy Spirit as He inspired Paul to write these words, I made the aforementioned statements. In nearly every book of the Old Testament God used marriage in one form or another as an analogy of the relationship He desired to enjoy with His people. In Christ, the analogy has become the reality. No longer is marriage used by God to describe the connection He longs to have with us, marriage can now be defined by the personal relationship we enjoy with Jesus Christ. As I shared just two weeks ago, according to Matthew 25:31-46 Jesus takes very seriously the way we interact with our spouse, and considers it the way we are interacting with Him personally.

With that understanding, let’s move on to verse 33, Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. As we interact with one another, God gives each spouse specific instruction as to how to do so. Interestingly He finishes precisely where He began in verse 21. There, the instruction is to submit to one another out of respect for God. Here in verse 33, we are told how to do that. In previous episodes of the Monday Marriage Message, I have mentioned that men and women have differing primary relational needs. As revealed before, these principal needs of love and respect are the same needs God has in order for our oneness with Him to be in good standing. In Deuteronomy 6:5 and 5:7 He commands us to love Him with all we have and to respect Him above all others. Coincidently, women are always searching to find out if they are loved and cared about for what they think, say, believe and do. On the other hand, men are created to consider at all times if they are respected for the very same things. As a result, when God mysteriously and miraculously creates of a man and a woman a “One flesh” condition, that marriage now has the same two primary relational needs as its Creator. In this way among others, that marriage now has greater capacity to fulfill its purpose and reflect the image and likeness of God.

Because God knows intimately that which He has created, He is well aware of our differing primary relational needs, He is after all, the one who wisely so endowed us. He also knows our propensity to offer to others that which would be pleasing to us. He knows that a man will have a natural tendency to show his wife his respect, because he would so highly value it if he knew beyond any doubt, that in all circumstances she respected Him. Likewise, God knows that He has created every woman in a way that will propel them to show love to their husbands. Love is the one thing above all else that she desires her husband to share with her unconditionally. God is not surprised that we will each offer that which we desire to receive. However, God wants us to submit to the other in fear of Him. Therefore, He commands the man to love and the wife to respect. In a very real sense, He is saying, “Husbands, because you love and respect me, submit to your wife and give her what she needs most. Love her by meeting her specific needs. Additionally, God implores the wife to respect her husband, to submit to him by continually meeting his primary need for respect. This action of hers is possible because of her deep love and respect for her Lord.

When husbands and wives meet the principal need their spouse possesses, they are in fact saying several important things congruent with this passage. They are recognizing that their spouse is simply different than they are and more importantly, that dissimilarity does not indicate a deficiency on their spouse’s part. Second, they are illustrating that they are willing to submit their words and actions to fulfill their spouse’s primary relational needs. Finally and likely most importantly, they do these things out of a deep love and respect for the One giving the command. Jesus said, “If you love me you will keep my commandments” and “Why do you call me Lord, Lord and not do the things I say?”

Correct action has little value without correct motivation. When we do the right thing but for the wrong reasons, we generally find that our inappropriate motivation either blemishes the final outcome, erodes our longstanding desire to act as we should, or both. It is crucial to understand that concept when it comes to our marriages. As people we often ask questions that illuminate a wrongly placed motive for a rightly completed action. “What’s in it for me?” this question indicates that while the action may appear to be selfless, in truth, the motivation is selfishness. “How long do I have to do this?” illustrates a selfish mindset as well as a distrust in God that His prescriptions are for our best. When I offer counsel to address a marital difficulty by submitting to God’s precepts clearly written in His word, people often tell me “I tried that and it didn’t work”. I understand they may have tried the particular action in question, but their motivation obviously wasn’t what it needed to be. When carried out with a pure motive, one of genuine selflessness and a deep trust that God knows best regardless of what worldly wisdom would suggest, a desirable result will undoubtedly be the outcome personally, in the spouse…or more likely in both.

It is God who says “Husband, love your wife…wife, respect your husband”. Do so in response to Him. Submit to one another’s needs, in the fear of God.

Questions to answer:

  • Have you ever considered that when you give your spouse what they need from you, you are giving God what He wants from you?
  • What does that understanding do to motivate you to act in the right ways?
  • What differences do you feel correct motivation makes to your ability to carry our correct action?
  • How do the above mentioned factors of motivation vs. action affect the overall outcome?

Actions to take:

  • Discuss each of your differing primary relational needs and why they are each so important to you personally.
  • Talk about some of the noteworthy things each of you have learned as the result of this expository look at Ephesians 5:21-33.
  • Commit to reading this passage together at least once a month and discuss its continued effect on your marriage and be willing to consider what additional changes God wants to see it bring going forward.

So now, submitting to one another by making your spouse’s primary relational need your primary concern, and doing so for the best reason in all history, because the one who died for you asked you to…Go be awesome!

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