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Hi, this is Pastor Ken, thanks for taking the time to join me once again for the Monday Marriage Message. I appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts with you today. We continue now with our series Parenting 101, this is Session 5. Welcome!

In past sessions of this series, I made the point that I believe God has uniquely created us as men and women to be especially suited for differing tasks as dads and moms. I understand that in our current social climate it is not popular to conclude that gender in any way differentiates us or predisposes us to respond to others in specific ways. Furthermore, I am fully aware that my belief that a loving and gracious God, far superior to us in His thoughts, reasons and abilities, has created us specifically to do so only serves to further distance me from mainstream thinking. Truth however is true, not determined by popular persuasion…regardless of how many may denounce it. God’s word is the one and only source of all truth, as such; I will continue to count on it unwaveringly to guide my counsel, and these podcasts. His word clearly indicates that He created us as men and women very differently from one another so that when He joins us in marriage we gain exponentially greater capacity to reflect Him. In light of this truth, it is also clear that those very differences enable us to parent uniquely from one another and yet cohesively. It is crucial that we remember, we are not intended to reflect one another as parents, if you and your spouse were identical one of you would be completely unnecessary. Instead as couples, we are to reflect our Almighty Creator. It should be easy for us to accept that singularly we are ill equipped for that task, but joined together in marriage; we have greater capacity to excel at each of the differing parenting roles He exhibits.

Last week I spent our time together looking at three of those roles women are especially created to perform as mothers. I pointed out that not only were women created to be capable of those specific tasks as their children grow, but that female bodies were in fact, wondrously fashioned to be able to do each of those three things even as they carry their unborn children in pregnancy. Not only are men unable to be pregnant (no matter what idiocy pop culture may be peddling these days) they are not created to carry out the three tasks mentioned last week, Tending, Mending and Defending with near the ability moms are. Men were created to parent completely differently, which we will look at today. It is interesting to note that unlike moms, the three parenting roles we will identify today as being uniquely dad roles are unable to be performed prior to the birth of the child.

In Session Three of this series on parenting I demonstrated the biblical basis for my belief that God performs all six of the parental roles we as moms and dads are supposed to fulfill for our children. If mothers reflect God by Tending to the needs of, Mending the brokenness of and Defending their children, then logical deduction would indicate that fathers are to Direct, Correct, and Project or prepare for launch, those same children. I mentioned last week that the three parental jobs of a mom are best filled by a relational thinker who requires love be the primary consideration in all her relationships. Her relational thinking enables her to constantly take note of and meet all of the needs her child might have. When joined with her primary need to give and receive love, she is uniquely suited to notice any brokenness and make course corrections to mitigate the difficulty causing them. Those same qualities support her innate need to defend her child from anything or anyone who might pose a threat to her child in either of the other two arenas.

In the same way men are created to excel at reflecting the other parental characteristics of God. He was created specifically to fill the roles of Direction, Correction and Projection. His compartmentalized thinking allows for direction day after day, even if that direction must be repeated seemingly ad nauseam. How? Perhaps the direction is the same…but it is a different day, hour or sometimes even a different minute. This is not to say that fathers don’t ever become frustrated with the need to point in the same direction repeatedly, only that their compartmentalized thinking makes them more suited to do so. Fathers see each occasion to direct their child as an opportunity to speak into their child’s life, and does not have the same tendency to connect one to another as a mother would. She might view the need for repeated direction a sign of failure while a father sees it as opportunity to further success.

Additionally, a father’s compartmentalized thinking prepares him to be equally understanding with the process of correction. He can correct over and again knowing it to be a necessity for the child to accept re-direction. A father’s primary need for respect in relationships also equips him for this role. This need casts a spotlight on a child resisting his direction making correction an obvious and unfortunate necessity. While moms often view correction as harsh and punishing, dads see it differently. While punishment may occasionally be utilized as a tool in the process of correction, a good father’s heart is never to punish a child for having a will, but rather help the child harness that will to chase after things that are worthwhile. Godly correction always seeks to halt harmful direction and exchange it for a healthy heading.

As a side note to the task of correction I want to make the point that this can be one of the areas that cause a seeming conflict between a mom and a dad and their respective parental tasks. As I mentioned, one of moms tasks is to defend, this can cause her to see a father’s correction as something her child needs defending against. Many times a mother’s heart will find correction too strong or harsh. She may appear to be arguing with her husband over the corrective measures or may even try to stop a correction while it is being carried out. While this may be normal, barring abuse, it is unfitting. As stated previously, both parents are not naturally gifted for all roles of parenting. There are times when what we observe our spouse doing in the course of parenting will not only seem contrary to what we would do in the same situation, it will seem contradictory to what we are trying to accomplish as a parent. In those moments we should remember the offense, defense analogy of the football team. Though they each treat the ball arguably in opposite ways, both interactions are necessary to win the game. Good questions to ask ourselves in these instances are; Is my spouse a good person? Do I trust them to love our child and want what is best for them? Do I want my child to learn the things my spouse is trying to instill in them at this moment? Am I uncomfortable right now because of the lesson being taught, or because of the method being used to teach it? Questions like these make it easier to allow our spouse to be the parent God has created them to be. Remember, parents are not supposed to be reflective of one other, together they are intended to be reflective of God. Most of us can find examples in the bible of times God treated His people in ways we do not personally understand, but that does not make Him wrong.

Finally, a father’s job is to Project or prepare his child for launch into the world. Last week I mentioned that I have a theory that upon holding their child for the first time a mother’s initial thought is, “I am going to be this baby’s mommy forever.” I gave example of how even now, my own mom still tries to do the same things for me that she has been doing since I was first a twinkle in her eye. Conversely, I have a theory about dads as well and what goes through their minds when they are first handed that little bundle of life. I believe most of them to think, “I have a limited amount of time to get this done.” With a future “launch date” in mind, fathers tend to do everything considering this day will arrive, ostensibly sooner than later. Nearly if not all of a dad’s direction and correction is in anticipation of a day they will no longer be right there to make sure all goes well. One of my favorite verses about fathering speaks directly of “launch date” and that it is clearly a father’s duty. Psalm 127:3-5 says Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of an archer, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. This scripture compares children to arrows in the hand of an archer. An archer does not shoot or launch arrows indiscriminately but rather aimed purposefully to reach a pre-determined target. Though the quiver (the place arrows are safely stored until needed) is mentioned, the arrows are also mentioned as being in his hand, readying them for launch. I don’t believe this analogy to be intended to be purely poetic. My thought is that as is true of the rest of God’s word, the analogy is precise and fitting. A dad’s job is to prepare his children for launch into the world. When an archer shoots an arrow at the target, he is excited when the arrow goes precisely where He directed it. When children grow up and have learned to choose well for themselves and they succeed, it makes a father’s heart happy. I remember when the final of our five children moved out of our home. Empty nest syndrome was very difficult for my wife as she struggled to know how to tend, mend and defend her children from afar. She seemed to feel that I was too happy to see that day come and was at somewhat of a loss to know how to respond to my seemingly happy demeanor that the “kids were all gone”. I was able to help her understand my emotions as I likened it to the excitement I felt when I helped our children learn to ride bikes or drive cars or some other big accomplishment in their lives. My happiness at their leaving wasn’t at all about them being absent from our home, but rather a great pride that we had done well and they were able to maintain lives and homes of their own without our daily oversight. My apparent happiness was really the result of incredible pride…Just like watching them ride away on a bike they thought I still had a steady hand on.

Questions to answer:

  • What are your thoughts about these three parental roles being specifically those of a dad’s?
  • Have you ever considered that these “Dad Jobs” are also things God is intently interested in providing for us?
  • What are some specific examples you both see of these three jobs being manifested in your family?

Actions to take:

  • Wives it’s your turn: take some time now to thank your husband for the special and personal ways you see him filling his roles as a dad. If you have multiple children, give specific examples for each.

So now, celebrating dads and the God-like attributes that also make them a critical part of “Raising up a child in the way he or she should go” Give thanks to God for His amazing design and Go Be Awesome!

Hi, this is pastor Ken and these are my thoughts on a Thursday…Independence day!

The Fourth of July was always one of my favorite holidays of the entire year. In part, that has no doubt been because it falls during summertime when the days are long and full of fun and relaxation. That alone makes it a holiday suited for all of the family gatherings it produces. More importantly, I love it because as so many others do, I love our nation. I don’t always love the things we do as a nation, I don’t always agree with the direction our country is heading, But I am always proud to be an American. These days, the Forth is one of my favorites because our entire family, now numbering nearly thirty, and counting, gathers for “Creek Week”. That annual event takes place on Independence day weekend at our family cottage in the Blue Ridge Mountains of southwestern Virginia. “Creek Week” is always a source of innumerable smiles and lots of laughter as well as stories recounted the entire year. The Fourth of July does have one facet that makes it bittersweet. It is also the season my brother, a patriot and a proud American soldier went to spend eternity before God.

Gary was a soldier for nearly half his life. Aside from his wife, children and grandchildren, it was one of the things he was most proud of. Being a soldier was just one of the many things he was and did that made us so proud of him. His legacy will go on in perpetuity because of the uniform he wore. I remember when Gary graduated from boot camp he told me they gave him two things he didn’t have when he got there and that no one would ever be able to take away from him; his pride to be an American, and his privilege to put on the Army uniform. I recall even now the boot camp graduation pictures with my brother proudly wearing his uniform.

Gary was many things. He was a husband, a dad, a brother, a son. He had many talents and interests, he was an awesome shade-tree-mechanic, a hard worker, and an avid runner. He had an incredible sense of humor and loved a good joke. He was all of those things and much, much more. You didn’t have to know him to though to know he loved America, you knew about him when you saw the uniform.

There was something else about Gary that defined him even more than that pressed Army uniform. Gary was a Christian. He wasn’t perfect, just forgiven. He knew who Jesus was, but more importantly what Christ had done for him. Gary lived his life doing what he did, in part, because of Christ living in him. Being a soldier wasn’t just his job, it was his calling. To a large degree, Gary was willing to give his life for the freedom of others because Christ had given His life for Gary’s freedom. Because of his faith in Christ as his Lord and Savior, my brother has a new uniform today. He has a new body fashioned for him by God Himself. This one isn’t government issue, this one is given by the Lord of heaven’s armies, the One true God.

2 Corinthians 5:1-5 in the New Living Translation says, For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.

My brother knew that heavenly body existed, just as all who know Jesus as personal Lord and Savior are aware of through faith. I believe Gary is now experiencing that eternal life that has swallowed up the old dying body he once inhabited. Now for him there is no pain, no sorrow, no lingering effects from the battered, battle-scarred body he formerly knew, and that is proof that God’s mercies are indeed new every morning.

Gary is not in heaven because he was a good soldier, a good husband, a good father, brother or son. Gary is in heaven because he knew and loved Jesus, and accepted Christ’s sacrifice for his life. It was The Holy Spirit’s work in Gary’s life that enabled him to be the man he was. Every Independence day I miss him, we all miss him, but I am so glad that today Gary is free and has a new uniform that undoubtedly means more to him even than that old Army one he wore with such pride. Jesus said it, and Gary believed it, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32

So now, Looking forward to the true Independence day when we all get our new uniforms, but gratefully celebrating the freedom we have today by knowing the truth of who Jesus is and what He has done to liberate us, enjoy this Fourth of July for everything it stands for…and Go Be Awesome!

 

Hi, this is Pastor Ken, welcome to the Monday Marriage Message…Parenting 101 – Session Three.

Two weeks ago I started this series on parenting. In the first session I spoke to the statistics that indicate that as a whole we need to be better prepared to become awesome parents so we can raise awesome children. In that episode I said that there are at least six parental tasks illustrated for us in scripture. This past week I spent some time showing that I believe it is by God’s design that we parent differently as moms and dads. I shared with you how some of the other differences endowed to men and women at creation work congruently with the six tasks we will be exploring enabling a mother to be uniquely qualified to best perform three of those jobs while a father is gifted especially to accomplish the other three.

I went on to offer the analogy of a football team. Even though the offense and defense react very differently to the ball, both encourage one another in their respective tasks knowing it is the key to winning the game. In the same way, as parents, if we will learn to recognize that we are gifted by God to do differing things in terms of raising our children we can become better at encouraging each other in the process.

This session will be devoted to searching the scriptures for examples of God filling each of the six parenting roles for us. As I stated last week, He is able to fully execute each of these tasks with perfection. We will undoubtedly fall short of His ability. However, understanding the “Oneness” of our marriages should offer clarity that our differences are actually intended to bring strength not strife. He has intentionally made us “One” with another, who has different strengths and skillsets than we do. Understanding as parents we are the offense and defense within the overall team allows us to be grateful for our spouses differing talents and to celebrate them. Parenting differently than one another as moms and dads is not indicative of a problem. A lack of understanding why the differences exist…that often creates problems parenting cohesively.

Allow me to review the six jobs of parenting. Just to make you are aware, I will be using many scriptures to illustrate How God fills all of these roles of parenting, as He raises us up to be all we are intended to be. You may want to take some notes of the scriptures or download the text file of this episode so you can read each of them for yourselves in their full context.

God tends to our needs Matthew 6:11 “Give us this day our daily bread” This scripture from the Lord’s prayer indicates God wants us to ask Him to meet our needs and in fact wants to be the one who does. It is His pleasure to meet your every need. In Matthew 6:25-33 Jesus reiterated God’s desire to tend to our needs. “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. He went on to say just a few moments later in Matthew 7:9-11 “You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. Jesus was making a bold statement about God’s parental ability. He was saying that God knows what you need, and wants to tend to your needs. He was also saying that looking to God to tend to our needs should be our first thought because He loves us. Jesus then made a correlating statement. If we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness we will know God better, we will know His ways better and we will not be afraid that our needs will go untended. Good parents tend to their children’s needs…it’s what they do. God is a good, good parent…the best there is. God tends to our every need so He can enable us to reach our full potential in Him!

God mends our brokenness – 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your cares upon him for He cares about you”.  God wants us to know that He desires to mend our brokenness. He wants us to tell Him when we are hurting. He understands that the first step in mending brokenness is having whatever is broken brought to Him for Healing, so He tells us to cast our cares (or our brokenness) on Him because He cares about us. What bothers us, bothers Him. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” God mends our brokenness. God knows the difficulties we encounter in our lives and He does not ignore us or the wounds that have been inflicted upon us, on the contrary, He tells us to tell Him what is bothering us, He reassures us that we are not alone and He moves toward us to heal our wounds. Jesus spent His ministry mending the physical, emotional, and spiritual wounds of countless people at the direction of the Father, as He continues to do today through the ministry of His Holy Spirit. God mends our brokenness to liberate us from what would hold us back from His best intention for our lives!

God defends us – Psalm 34:7 “For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.” Psalm 54:1 “Come with great power, O God, and rescue me! Defend me with your might.” Matthew 6:13 “…deliver us from evil, for yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.” God defends us. We don’t only live in a physical world. The spiritual realm is all around us. I have often wondered if we have any clue just how many times, and to what extent God delivers us from the evil intentions of the enemy who’s only noted jobs are to “steal, kill and destroy”. I have also wondered from time to time if we will become aware of the scope of His protective measures over our lives when we are safely at home with Him in heaven. God defends us to preserve the ability to see us become everything He wants us to be!

God directs us – Proverbs 3:6 “In all your ways acknowledge Him; And He shall direct your paths.” Psalm 94:12 “Blessed is the man whom You instruct, O Lord, And teach out of Your law,” Psalm 48:14 “For this is God, Our God forever and ever; He will be our guide Even to death.” God’s word is very clear about the fact that He intends to direct, guide and teach us so that we can live our lives to the fullest. His direction is not to stifle us or to keep us from the things that are good for us, but rather to lovingly direct us so that we can enjoy his many blessings as we live lives of righteousness or in or in other words lives that happen as designed by a good, good, Father. God directs us in the best ways that will bring us the greatest blessing imaginable because He loves us so much!

God corrects us – Job 5:17 “Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; Therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty.” Proverbs 3:12 “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” 2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,” God loves us too much not to correct us. A parent who does not correct his child illustrates that the direction the child’s life takes does not matter to them. God says that because He delights in us, He corrects us. How does He do this? He corrects us through His written word, through the conviction of the Holy Spirit and sometimes through the loving instruction of other trusted godly men and women in our lives. God corrects us because He loves us and it hurts Him to see us stray from His wonderful plan for our lives!

God projects (launches) us – Psalm 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.  Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;… Luke 10:1-3 After these things the Lord appointed seventy others also, and sent them two-by-two before His face into every city and place where He himself was about to go. Then He said to them, “The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. Go your way; behold I send you out as lambs among the wolves”. Mark 16:15 “And He said unto them, Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature”. God launches us out into the world to reflect Him and reveal His awesome nature to others. He knows that will make life difficult at times, even so, He launches us like an archer launches his arrows. We should also keep in mind that as Luke relayed, those who are sent out by God are sent out “before his face” in other words He watches over us as He sends us out. God projects or launches us and takes pleasure in our life’s success in Him.

These are six jobs of parenting; tending, mending, defending, directing, correcting, and projecting. God does all of them perfectly. My goal in illustrating that these tasks of parenting are scriptural, and that God does each of them for us, is to also show them to be right and necessary. As I mentioned last week, often time’s parents become displeased with one another when they observe the other taking action in the name of parenting that they do not understand. My aim here is to point out that each of you will likely find three of these roles things you are specifically suited to do, and three will be more difficult. No worries…God has equipped your spouse in ways He did not give you natural ability in, and vice-versa. If God sees fit to do each of these things as He raises us, who are we to say they are unnecessary or even adverse for our children.

Questions to answer:

  • Which of these six tasks seem natural to you?
  • Which do you find difficult to do and why do you think that is?
  • Do you find that one of you is likely better at three of these and less capable of the others?

Actions to take:

  • Discuss times you have seen God take up each of these six roles of parenting in your lives. Discuss the results of those interactions.
  • Discuss the value you each see for each of these parenting roles to be filled in your children’s lives.

So now, allowing the example of God in your life to be the guide of how to positively impact your children’s’ lives…Go Be Awesome!

Hi, this is Pastor Ken and these are my thoughts on a Thursday…Get Charged Up!

The other day I was working on a project in my back yard. As part of the job, I needed to install nearly 50 bolts with their complement of washers and nuts. I needed to drill holes for all of the bolts to be inserted in their respective places. In years gone by that task would have required getting a drill and because of the distance from the house I was working, several extension cords. It is times like this when I am especially glad for the invention of the cordless drill. In fact, because of their convenience, I have a multitude of cordless tools. I have cordless impact drivers as well as various styles of saws. All of these tools are wonderful improvements over the old corded type…most of the time. (more…)

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