Pastor Ken’s Monday Marriage Message & Thoughts on a Thursday
A God Shaped Marriage Vol. 1
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage.
In the last series we discovered 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. If you have not listened to that series of the Monday Marriage Message I invite you to do that. There you will see how God intends to use Compatibility, Understanding, Holiness, Selfless Service, Faithfulness, Forgiveness, and Love to bless your marriage, and make it Highly Successful, wonderfully fulfilling its intended purpose of reflecting Him.
The essence of every successfully married couple is an understanding that their marriage is not really about them, but rather about how together they reflect their God and the author of their union. We have explored that truth originally stated in Genesis 1:26-27 in several past episodes, and it is essentially the basis for each of the editions of the Monday Marriage Message I have offered for your consideration over the past two years.
In this episode I am hoping to introduce how this all-important truth is key to the Structure of Marriage. Everything successful is based upon structure and order. This is true of nature, science, mathematics, music, business and relationships. It is also true of our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. In all of these examples as well as others, structure and order are paramount to success. There are laws and rules that govern necessary structure and order if we are to trust mathematical equations, enjoy melodic performances, follow true science, or run a successful business venture. Most of the ills experienced in our world are the result of disorder or chaotic activity. Even physically, emotionally, or mentally speaking, when things are out of order, illness is the result. In relationships when intended or expressed order is not respected, dysfunction is the outcome. Even so in nature, when the balance of order is shifted the slightest bit, there are often dramatic consequences.
Relationships are not immune from the importance of structure and order. As of late there has been a renewed surge in the societal effort to ignore this truth, but make no mistake, the results will soon prove this latest attempt to be no more successful than any other in human history. Consequences of even greater familial and societal decay along with the well-documented and long-understood accompanying dysfunction will undoubtedly be the result…only this time in even greater numbers and more vastly affecting the human condition.
Marriage is not simply one of many equivalent relationships as so many would have us believe. If the marital relationship had been developed by mere man, that might be true. However, as the one-flesh relationship originated by God to recreate the original experienced by Adam and Eve, marriage is unique and vastly different than any other. (Genesis 2:23-24) It is the first human-to-human relationship identified in the bible. Because Adam and Eve were created married, (Eve was created from the very flesh of Adam) there was no relationship between two human beings pre-dating the one-flesh bond of Adam and Eve. As the first inter-human relational experience it is understood to be the primary one, therefore none is of higher importance. Only two forms of relationship supersede it, that enjoyed amongst the three Persons of the Triune Godhead, and the one between Creator God and His creation, neither of which is a purely inter-human relationship.
As I stated earlier and as many times in past episodes, marriage is primarily intended to reflect the character and nature of God. As a result, the structure and order of marriage is uniquely taken directly from the structure and order of the Godhead. Scripturally we recognize this truth in 1 Corinthians 11:3 where we read, But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. In a rudimentary way this passage lays the foundation for the order of marriage basing it directly on the structure of the Godhead. The order of the marriage is clearly laid out, the Wife is under the authority and protection of her Husband just as Christ is under the authority and protection of God the Father. It is truly unfortunate that this marital structure provided for in God’s word seems to cause so many couples difficulty and dissention, when it is intended to bring nothing but unity and blessing. Since the introduction of sin into the world, this structure; designed to build up and strengthen, has often been the source of contention and division. God made it known to Adam and Eve that this would be the case when He removed them from the Garden of Eden and paradise was postponed. In Genesis 3:16 God said to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and He shall rule over you”. The implications here are many and we will look at them closely and in greater detail in a future edition of this series. For the purpose of this discussion however, it is important to note that the order of marriage was not changing as Adam and Eve’s sin necessitated their ejection from Eden, but the willing acceptance of that order inevitably became difficult with the knowledge of both good and evil.
Lest anyone conclude that I am saying that women should know their place, and that men are somehow superior to them, let me emphatically state that nothing could be further from the truth. Scripture clearly states that the woman was created completely and totally equivalent in value to the man. The prescribed order is not based on value in any way, rather the structure of marriage is simply reflective of the structure of God who created it. Sin (a spiritual dis-order) is what caused our difficulty, not the God-given structure. Men ought not assume any undue pride in the stated order. In fact, Adam’s sin did bring an inequity into the order and structure of marriage…but it is slanted against the man’s favor not in it. Allow me to explain. In the passage from 1 Corinthians 11 that we looked at earlier, the stated order of authority is as follows; The head of every woman (the wife) is man (her husband). The head of every man (the Husband) is Christ, and the head of Christ is God the Father. In this order wives (imperfect beings) come under the authority of their husbands (also imperfect beings). Christ (the perfect Son of God) comes under the authority of God the Father (the perfect God). Men or husbands (imperfect sinful beings) are under the authority of Christ (the perfect, sinless Son of God). As men (or husbands) we are the only ones in this framework that are responsible to an authority morally superior to us. Men…we are not in a greater position in the structure of marriage than our wives are, we actually drew the short end of that particular stick. We are responsible for one who is like us, but to one infinitely greater than we are.
As the primary inter-human relationship marriage is indeed different than any other human connection. There is none other like it. Of all bonds human beings enter into, it is the one that matters most to God because it is the one He desperately hopes to look into and see His reflection displayed most completely. In the coming weeks as we delve into this series exploring the structure and order of marriage it is my hope that we will not only discover what the Word of God identifies as the order but that we will also come away with a much greater understanding of what that order signifies and why it is so important to a successful marriage. Please join me each Monday as we take the necessary time to discover how God’s prescribed order and structure for marriage is intended to aid us in realizing all of the benefits and blessings as we allow Him to develop of us A God-shaped Marriage.
So now, understanding that everything God purposes is for our good, accept the order and structure of your marriage as ordained by God Himself to be a total blessing in your life…and Go be Awesome!
Planning the Route
Hi, this is Pastor Ken, I want to welcome you to my Thoughts on a Thursday Podcast where I take some regular occurrence or personal story from my life and connect it to a scriptural truth. So here are my thoughts on this Thursday, October 19th 2023…Planning the Route
Planning a route for a trip has changed considerably in my lifetime. When I was a kid it meant spreading state maps out across the kitchen table and switching from one to another as needed to plan a journey into unfamiliar territory. Some people had trouble reading those maps, I’ve even known some who seemingly didn’t know which side was the top of the map. Regardless of your ability to read those free maps provided by the local gas station, everyone had problems refolding them back to their original size and shape.
As I got just a little older Rand McNally began printing automobile atlas books that included each of the 50 United States and some incorporated all of North America. That book made the phone book look small, but I remember happily perusing through my parent’s Atlas in the back seat trying to identify all of the places on the various pages we had visited. Even as a young boy I thought those books were a vast improvement over the old “gas station” state maps. It was like possessing all of them without having to travel to each state to collect them and…you didn’t have to fold it up correctly when you were finished with it. That fact alone made it a vast improvement!
In my early twenties, AAA came out with “Trip-tics”. If you were a member, and you made your local AAA agent aware of where you were going, they would print out 4×8 inch pages cropped from a full size map with a highlighted line that followed the best route from point A to point B. All you had to do once you had traversed the road depicted on the current page of the trip-tic was flip it over to the next page and begin recording your progress there.
In my thirties Garmin and Tom-Tom were released. This was cutting edge technology for sure. Inputting your destination and simply following the directions of the insistent and sometimes downright rude voice that emanated from the device’s speaker made traveling much easier. Anyone could successfully navigate with one of those devises. You didn’t need to be able to read a map at all, and no preplanning was necessary…except being ready to mute the indignant gizmo when you wanted to stop for something to eat, gas up or simply use a rest-room. This was necessary to avoid it incessantly shouting, “Recalculating!. Recalculating!!” as if you would not have the good sense to know how to get back to the prescribed route again.
Then Cell Phones grew a brain and became “Smart Phones”. With one of those, Google offers all of us its Maps app, and you can get the turn-by-turn instructions without all of the preprogramed hype if a recalculation of the route becomes necessary. The Maps app can calculate the time to destination including heavy traffic slowdowns, weather conditions, and will offer detours around accidents miles before you inadvertently find yourself sitting in a traffic jam. Other Apps like Waze will do all that and tell you where the police are staked out behind that road sign trying to catch those ignoring the speed limit.
Last week I used an App on my phone that let me do something we haven’t done much of since folding “gas station maps” and Atlas books. I planned my own trip. That app allowed me to choose each and every road and turn. It kept track of the distance and calculated the time it would take, but I got to choose the route. When I took that trip, it guided me turn-by-turn, but it did so in accordance with my wishes. Planning a journey sure has changed a lot over the years.
Whether I made the plan or it was made for me, the success of the journey has everything to do with my ability to obey the instructions given and keep the course. My walk with the Lord is a lot like that. My success has much to do with my response to God. His word says that He is always there to guide me, but whether I conform to His will or not…therein lies my success or lack of success navigating life. Psalm 16:4 says; You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. I don’t take this to mean that there are no difficulties that will cross my path if I let God decide the route. What I do understand, is that God has rightly decided that it is His place to set the path for me, it is my position to follow as He makes that path evident, and He says He will do just that. It also means that in His presence, in other words walking that path with Him by my side I can have joy regardless of the perils, and the peace that comes from His company, provision and protection along the way.
So what about those times when it seems that the path is full of obstacles and trouble? Sometimes it indeed appears that life is out of control. From our limited ability to see what is ahead that may seem like a fair and correct assessment. However, we have to recognize that if we are letting the Lord lead and guide, we are submitting to an authority that has never failed. As the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End, King of all kings and Lord of all lords, He is the ultimate authority on what direction is best for our lives. Isaiah 58:11 says; And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. God desires us to let Him always be the One we lean on for direction. So much so that He has a plan to provide exactly what we need, exactly when we need it, no matter what the world around us might suggest. Just a handful of pages before in Isaiah 48:17 it says; Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go. Here God is saying that He teaches us how to increase in our ability to reflect Him in any situation, That God goes ahead of us and leads the way. My father often says that Where God’s finger points…His hand always provides. No matter where His finger may point, no matter what difficulties, trials and tribulations may be ahead on the path He has chosen, because He goes ahead, we can trust that He sees those things, and has already decided that leading us over, under, or strait through them will be good for us in the final analysis. Romans 8:28 tells us, And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
So how can we know what to do? How do we know whether it is time to turn right, left, turn around or keep going strait? In Psalm 32:8 God tells us we can count on Him for that help. There He says, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Isn’t it a comfort to know that God offers us His direction, with His eye upon us. That means that His counsel to us is specific to us. It is given to us with us in mind. One way that He offers it is in the same form as the maps, atlases, and trip-tics of the past…it’s all written down for us. Psalm 119:105 tells us, Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. And in Joshua 1:7-9 God says; 7 “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. 9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
We can rely upon God’s written word to be our guide, but that is not the only source of counsel we can expect from One who has His eye upon us. We also have the gift of the Holy Spirit indwelling us and offering us the much needed momentary, turn by turn instructions. John 16:13 tells us, When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. God keeps His eye on us and tells His Holy Spirit what direction to give us. If we are receptive to the Holy Spirit, meaning that we are listening to Him to guide us Isaiah 30:21 tells us we will hear Him. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
And what about those times when we decide to stray from the path and risk becoming lost? Our Heavenly Father’s GPS (godly positioning service aka the Holy Spirit) will help you recalculate. The Bible tells us that no matter what caught our eye and encouraged us to get off track, He wants to help us re-establish the way. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. Hopefully we will choose to allow Him to help us recalculate and resume safely following His direction. If we persist in following our own desired path, our spiritual enemy will try to convince us that God is finished with us and will no longer be willing to give instruction to someone too hard-hearted to listen. Thankfully God says otherwise, He says, “If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin and to cleanse us of all [of our] unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9) Unlike our old Tom-Tom or Garmin, we should never try to mute the Holy Spirit as He tries us to warn us of the dangers of veering off of His prescribed route for our lives. Instead, we need to ask Him to fill us anew each day so that we can hear Him loud and clear.
The Bible tells us that we make our plans but the Lord orders our steps. God does give us the ability to plan and set out in the way that we think we should go. God also has the ability to order our steps, in other words, He controls many things we do not. So, the next time you have made plans and something outside of your control causes you to have to take a different path…don’t be discouraged. Thank God for the direction and the fact that He loves you so much that He has His eyes fixed on you and is working in ways you cannot, to make sure that your feet don’t slip.
So now, in gratitude for a God that watches that closely and cares that much, follow His lead, let him blaze the trail…and go be awesome!
7th Biblical Principle for a Highly Successful Marriage – Love
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage.
For the past six episodes we have been exploring 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage. Other than the first principle I shared with you, Compatibility, I must admit, there has been no prioritization given to the principles that followed. I simply allowed the Holy Spirit to guide where in His inspired word and which of His Principles He would have me share next. However, as a part of the process, As He always is, God was doing more than I realized. As I researched and wrote in preparation for each episode in the series, the realization was always evident that there was too much information to convey comprehensively in a 15-minute podcast. That has always been one of the challenges of the Monday Marriage Message, to deliver an important idea rich with scriptural background in just 15 minutes. As I undertook the project of this particular series, that challenge remained. Flow and continuity required I not spend multiple editions exploring a singlular Biblical Principle, so as I have become accustom to doing, I condensed the material to the best of my ability to fit the format.
As I made my way through 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage, it was all too clear that there was too much left on the cutting room floor to simply sweep up and toss out. As that recognition grew, the reality emerged that more had to be done with the material I included in the podcast as well as what necessarily had been held back. What emerged has become a second marriage building conference that I will be presenting for the first time at the end of the week. That new project required a thoughtful look at the order of these 7 Biblical Principles and a reshuffling of them that will present more effectively in a seminar format. I say all of that to say that today although we will be exploring our 7th Biblical Principle in this series, that is not its final place in the seminar lineup, there it has become Principle # 4.
This 7th or 4th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage, depending on where it is being offered, is Love. I can see good reason for some of you to think I should have numbered it first because it is reasonable to ask, “Without love is a highly successful marriage even possible”? I can’t argue with that logic. I can also understand why someone would place it as the final of these 7 Biblical Principles, because love is the correct final word on everything. Paul wrote that now abides faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13) Love is the catalyst of all things good, right and true…and it is also the culmination of those same things. I suppose it could also be argued that Love belongs in the middle of the list because love must be in the midst of anything for that thing to have value. While none of those were my rationale for placing it in the final position here in the podcast, or in the fourth position in the upcoming marriage conference, they are all valid points none-the-less.
More importantly however, is the question, “Why does love make the cut as one of the 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage”? As we have learned from God’s word, the primary purpose of marriage according to its originator is to be reflective of the Triune God that created it. It is recorded in Genesis 1:26-27 that God said Let Us (The Father, The Son, and The Spirit) make man in our image and likeness…So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. It is also recorded in 1 John 4:8 that the Apostle John wrote He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love. If God is love, and He is…and the primary purpose of marriage is to reflect God…and it most certainly is, then one of the necessary components of a marriage highly successful at reflecting God…is love.
Additionally, if we are going to move forward in this discussion in a meaningful way we must initially define love. Let me first say that the warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you hold an infant child, embrace your spouse, or even scratch your version of the “Best dog ever”, behind the ear is not love! Love is not an emotion. The warm and fuzzies are the result of fondness. Fondness is an emotion. Fondness is measurable in a sense in that it has graduations or levels. Hopefully you feel more fondness when you embrace your spouse than you do when you scratch behind the dogs ear…maybe not. Love is actionable…always. It could be argued that fondness is the emotion you experience when you embrace your spouse, hold the baby or pet the dog. However, in the most basic sense, the embrace, the cuddle, the pat…those are love. More importantly though, the relationship, not the emotion must be the catalyst for genuine love. Let me explain.
In that same chapter in 1 John we read in verse 21, And this commandment we have from Him (Jesus) that he who loves God must love his brother also. God does not command us how to feel, or what emotions to have, and yet He commands us to love one another. In John’s gospel he recorded the moment Jesus said; “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”. (John 13:34-35) Since God does not command our emotions, but rather does command action, if we are commanded to love, love must be actionable. Who is it that we are we commanded to take loving action toward? One another. Why? Because we are His disciples. We are to act in love toward one another as a result of the relationship. But which relationship? The Teacher/Master to disciple one. We love others because Jesus asks us to. Because we are in relationship with Him, and He wishes that we show His love to others, we do so at His request. This is what allows us to love even when hurt, disappointed, frustrated or even angry with those with whom we are called to love. This ability only increases in importance when the one we are interacting with is our spouse.
Therefore, defining love as an actionable characteristic, and understanding that God is love and therefore our marriages, designed to reflect Him, must reflect His love…what are those actions we must exemplify and which must we avoid? For that answer we can refer to what the Apostle Paul was inspired by God to write in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.
Paul writes here that we can do a lot of things in admirable ways but without love they are worse than useless. He begins with our words. My wife and I are both hearing impaired. There are times when we jokingly say that if people heard us try to communicate when we are unable to look at one another and read lips to assist our failing hearing, they would probably wonder why we stay so angry with each other…we yell at one another all the time. We don’t yell because we are angry with each other…at least not usually, we do it because speech that cannot be heard is useless. However, Paul writes, words that are spoken without love are worse than useless, the hearer also finds them incredibly irritating. Paul goes on to say that even if we have great and wonderful revelations from God, even if He has given us understanding of some of the most problematic of life’s questions, if we cannot express them in love, those answers are of no use to anyone…not even us! Suppose we have the proverbial faith that can move mountains…without love, we won’t use it correctly. In the final of his hypotheticals Paul says that if we sell everything we have to feed the poor, but we do it so we will gain recognition more than we do it because someone is hungry, or even if we are willing to become a martyr, if our motivation is anything short of love…those actions will be valueless.
Paul then switched from analogous writing and began penning words of a more descriptive nature. In this next segment, he begins to define what specific actions are loving and which are not. He says that loving action will patiently continue on even if there is seemingly no return on investment. Why? Because genuine love’s motivation is never self-serving. Loving action is kind, and acts of kindness are by definition always to benefit another. Next Paul mentions a few unloving actions. He tells us love doesn’t worry about what is fair, only what is right. He mentions that love doesn’t try to get credit for its righteous actions and never thinks it is better than another because of its ability to act as it does. Paul says that genuine love will never fail to be courteous and considerate of others. Love is not self-serving or inward thinking. Love always considers others before thinking of self. Love is not provoked but instead will empathetically endure insults and unloving words and actions, and will not allow anything to dissuade it. Love does not think that every unkind action or word received from another is indicative of a poor motive but instead offers the benefit of the doubt, and tries to understand what that person may be going through. Paul states that as human beings we all have a propensity for the ability to take enjoyment from that which is wrong, but genuine love only wants what is best, righteous and uplifting.
Paul concludes by offering a litmus test to determine genuine love from a cheap counterfeit. He says that love will always do these five things.
- Love bears all things. This means that love will be patient in all things and will even try to conceal the faults of others. The original text actually means that love covers all things, meaning love rubs out another’s mistake rather than rubbing it in.
- Love believes all things. This doesn’t mean that love is gullible, but it does mean that love gives the benefit of the doubt. Love does not look for a poor motive behind every hurtful misstep of another but rather looks to see what difficulty or misunderstanding could cause an otherwise good willed person to lash out.
- Love hopes all things. Love always wants to see things work out the best for everyone involved. Even in genuine disagreements, love necessitates that when the dust settles…everyone survives.
- Love endures all things. Love does not withdraw itself or morph into unloving action no matter what it receives from another. Love understands that it’s standard is always righteousness. Love is true to itself and does not change because it is on the receiving end of unrighteousness.
- Love never fails. The four previous characteristics of love elude to this one. In each of them Paul wrote “all things” meaning; nothing gets love off its game. In the end result love will always emerge acting in a loving way. God is love, God is unchanging…Therefore, love also is unwavering. Love always comes up looking like love.
You know what else genuine love always does? Love always wins.
So now, using the winning strategy of love in your marriage…Go be Awesome!
6th Biblical Principle for a Highly Successful Marriage – Forgiveness
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to discover how to experience a highly successful marriage. This is the sixth edition in our series 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage.
Since beginning this series I have shared with you 5 of 7 biblical principles that govern highly successful marriages. I have been careful not to call this series “THE” 7 Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage because though I have chosen to highlight these 7 they are not by any accounting the only biblical principles governing marriage. God’s word contains many, many more that will have an even greater positive impact on your marriage if you will choose to search them out and employ them. Thus far in this series we have considered; Compatibility, Recognizing that your marriage is more about your relationship with God than it is about your relationship with your spouse, Holiness, Selfless Service and Faithfulness. Each of these principles are indeed crucial to a marriage that strives to fulfill its God-given purpose of reflecting Him. However, there are still two more Biblical principles that I wish to uncover from God’s word before I conclude this series.
In this episode we will take a close look at what God’s word says about Forgiveness as the 6th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage. Forgiveness is an interesting and complex subject. All of us come to understand very quickly in marriage that forgiveness is going to be necessary if the marriage is going to experience any meaningful longevity. 1 Corinthians 13:5 describes the kind of love marriage must be predicated upon to be highly successful as one that keeps no record of wrongdoing. Does wrongdoing take place in marriage…you bet! Often, before the first day of marriage has concluded, the new bride and groom have managed to offend one another, but those wrongs are quickly overlooked in light of their newly established oneness. Unless the same offences repeatedly occur, they will likely not be recorded on a tally-sheet. Why? According to 1 Corinthians 13 Godly love doesn’t have a score card. Consequently, it doesn’t take the newly-weds long at all to come to realize that forgiveness in their new marriage is going to become an important, daily, necessity.
If our marriages must reflect God if they are going to meet their intended purpose…and they must, then our forgiveness for one another must be the same kind God uses when He forgives us. If we are going to forgive as God does…we must have an understanding of what forgiveness means to Him. Any other form of forgiveness that we attempt to invent, will be incorrectly applied and will not have the effect God intends us to experience. God’s brand of forgiveness offers freedom, freedom to move forward unencumbered. In Isaiah 43:25 God says this; “I, I am the One who erases all your sins, for my sake; I will not remember your sins”.
So what are the components of genuine forgiveness that are critical to highly successful marriages? The first important understanding comes from the verse I mentioned just a moment ago from the book of Isaiah. There God mentions a few things about His forgiveness that are noteworthy. First He says that He erases our sins. This is in line with 1 Corinthians 13:5. There we read that love (and according to 1 John, God is love) keeps no record of wrongdoing. God says that He erases the record of our wrongdoing toward Him. He does not say that the wrong never happened, nor does He say our sin against Him wasn’t hurtful…just that He won’t keep considering it when He is interacting with us. The second remarkable thing this simple verse illustrates for us is that forgiveness essentially frees the forgiver as much or more than it does the forgiven. There God says that He erases our sins for His own sake. He forgives us to free Himself of the negative feelings that our sin would otherwise cause Him to experience when interacting with us. He forgives us to free Himself to love us in spite of our sin against Him. As a result, He said, “I will not remember your sins”. When you look at the original Hebrew text the intimation is that of a Judge who chooses to interact with a convict, but who refuses to look at their rap-sheet while doing so. The rap-sheet is real. Both participants are fully aware of its existence, But God says that in His forgiveness of us He refuses to open our file.
When we forgive our spouse we have to learn to do as God does. Get rid of the record of wrongdoing. This doesn’t mean we have to make-believe the wrong didn’t happen. We don’t have to pretend it didn’t cause us pain or have a negative impact on the relationship. It does mean however that we can’t continue to compile a list of reasons our spouse is not worthy of our love and acceptance…or else, we will become unable to continue to love and accept them. Just like God does, for our own sake, so that we can be free, we must choose to quit looking at our spouse’s rap-sheet when we are interacting with them. We must choose to not consider their sins against us if we want to be free. Remember…forgiveness frees the forgiver as much or even more than it does the forgiven. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget what happened…it means we choose to not stare at the offence while interacting with our offender.
Our human condition often makes offering to another the same kind of forgiveness God offers us a very difficult thing to do. We may even think it impossible at times. We know from Jesus own words to His disciples that it is necessary that we learn to do so, but sometimes we just can’t see how God’s brand of forgiveness is something we as mere human beings can ever accomplish. Some hurts after all are just too big. God may be able to erase all of our sins, but we aren’t God. Is it really fair for Him to require genuine forgiveness from us?
Seemingly, God believes it is. When Jesus taught His Disciples to pray, Matthew 6:9-15 says He told them this; 9 So when you pray, you should pray like this:
‘Our Father in heaven,
may your name always be kept holy.
10 May your kingdom come
and what you want be done,
here on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us the food we need for each day.
12 Forgive us for our sins,
just as we have forgiven those who sinned against us.
13 And do not cause us to be tempted,
but save us from the Evil One.’ The kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours forever. Amen.
Then Jesus made this statement;
14 Yes, if you forgive others for their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you for your sins. 15 But if you don’t forgive others, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.
At first glance the Lord’s Prayer may seem to include one small blurb about forgiveness, but when we take into account the monumental footnote Jesus added after teaching His disciples how to pray, forgiveness begins to take center stage in the prayer. When we choose to forgive our spouse, God’s name is kept Holy. Our marriages reflect Him in the midst of forgiveness, perhaps more than at any other time. God is the ultimate forgiver; no one has ever has to pay as high a price to be able to offer it as He has. When we forgive our spouse their wrongs, we successfully reflect God and represent who and what He is. When we choose to forgive especially in our marriages, God’s will (that which He does) takes place on earth as it does in Heaven. When we choose to forgive another we open ourselves up to being able to experience the amazing forgiveness God offers us in the shed blood of His one and only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus taught His disciples to pray that God would further empower them to resist the temptation from the evil one to fail to forgive. Satan understands that time plus un-forgiveness always equals bitterness. He also knows that there is no better tool at his disposal to kill, steal and destroy marriages than bitterness.
Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean that we have to say that the wrong, wasn’t wrong. If it was wrong, it was wrong. Sin is sin. God’s word doesn’t teach us that forgiveness means sin is no longer wrong. God still says that sin is wrong. Remember what Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery? John’s Gospel tells us that Jesus’ words of conviction “Let the one among you who is without sin throw the first stone at her” drove away all of her accusers who wanted to put her to death. Jesus then looked at the woman and asked her “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you” She said no one, Lord. And Jesus said to Her, “Neither do I condemn you; [but] go and sin no more”. (John 8:7&10-11) Forgiveness doesn’t make a wrong, right, but nor does it coincide with condemnation.
Again this may seem unfair and impossible, but there is good news! You don’t have to do it. You might be thinking, “Wait a minute Pastor Ken, I thought you just said we have to learn to forgive if God is going to forgive us?” That is correct, but what I mean to say is that YOU don’t have to arrange your offender’s forgiveness…you only have to agree with God’s forgiveness for them. The requirement on you is to agree with God that He was right and just to offer your offender His forgiveness for the hurtful way they treated you. 1 John 1:9 says, If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Hurt people however, are often looking for justification to hold the person who hurt them accountable. In light if that, they might ask regarding that last scripture, “But what if the person who did me wrong has not confessed their sin to God or to me?” The Bible has an answer for that question as well. Romans 5:8 tells us; But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while we were still sinners. God loves all of us…even those who hurt us…so much that even before a single confession of sin was made, He offered His Son’s life as recompense for our sin. That is why it is just for God to forgive all of us…Jesus already paid the price.
One of our biggest hang-ups when it comes to forgiveness, is this. We are afraid that if we forgive…we have to let our offender off the hook for what they have done to us. That’s not true at all. They are still firmly on the hook for their actions…we simply have to agree to hand the hook to God. We may be the victim of another person’s sin against us but to be a victor, we must realize we are not the judge, jury and executioner. Vengeance is mine says the Lord…and I will repay! (Hebrews 10:30) Forgiveness allows us the freedom to willingly hand the hook to God. He promises He will make it right. And He will make it right. He will either give the person who has wronged us a heart transplant, if they are willing for it, or eternal separation from Him if they refuse His love and forgiveness. Forgiveness on our part is the agreement to let Him work out all of those details. If we don’t have to hold the hook any longer, then we don’t have to hold onto the record of what went wrong either. As we hand those things off to God with whom they rightfully belong, our load is lightened and we become free to interact with our offender in a healthy way again.
Are there times when the damage is too great and trust simply cannot be restored? Are there some relationships that are so damaging that they should not be resumed? Of course, but those are in the minority, not the majority. They are the exception not the rule. Regardless, forgiveness is still a necessity for freedom, and a healthy mind and heart. Because of that, forgiveness is solidly on the list of Biblical principles for a highly successful marriage.
So now, reflecting God in your marriage by agreeing with Him that His forgiveness for your spouse was right and just…Go Be Awesome!
Dragon Slayers
Hi, this is Pastor Ken, I want to welcome you to my Thoughts on a Thursday Podcast where I take some regular occurrence or personal story from my life and connect it to a scriptural truth. So here are my thoughts on this Thursday, September 14th 2023…Dragon Slayers
This past week my wife Lynn and I slayed a dragon. Let me explain. Most of you know that I love to ride motorcycles. I have been riding them for about 45 years now and I hope my years of riding will continue to accumulate until I leave this old world behind at a ripe old age. I love riding motorcycles. In fact, the only driving experience better than riding a motorcycle is riding a motorcycle in the mountains. Just a few weeks before we married, I took Lynn on her first motorcycle ride in the mountains near Roanoke, Virginia. That first ride for her was the ride to end all rides…at least it might have been. We drove up a winding mountain road with sheer drop-off cliffs on one side and bare rock faces that rose directly upward on the other. We may or may not have come close to running off of the side of the road that highlighted the drop off view. We rode that day in the high mountains of the famed Blue Ridge Parkway, were she came to understands that though it may have been plenty warm when you left, you might need a jacket just 20 minutes later up in the higher elevations. We got caught in a scattered thunderstorm and spent some time wringing out our clothes under an overpass, and we concluded the ride back to my aunt and uncle’s house drying out on a busy interstate at highway speeds. I honestly thought that she would never ride again after that first outing, but she has been happily accompanying me on some great motorcycle rides for the past 23 years. She is far tougher than her beautiful looks and sweet demeanor elude to.
This sweet girl joined me yet again last week to spend multiple days riding in the southwestern Virginia mountains. Last Tuesday we decided to cross a particular road off from my bucket list of mountain rides. Route 16 is a winding two-lane road that runs kind of north and south from Wilkesboro, N.C. to Sophia, W.V. The 32 mile section between Marion and Tazewell, Virginia is known as “The Back of The Dragon”. On that short stretch of road, a driver will turn in excess of 400 times, rise and fall a total of 3,500 feet in elevation all while climbing and descending three successive mountains. Those crests make up the three mythological humps of the back of the dragon. Many of the 438 curves leave no time for the motorcycle to return to its upright position before requiring the riders to lean deeply into the next one. There are times when the length of road visible ahead may be significantly less than 100 feet. It is an awesome ride, but definitely not for the novice, or the faint-of-heart. We managed to cover the distance in just over an hour which is not anywhere near a record, but respectable none-the-less.
There is nothing strait about that road. At times, the ability to traverse it while “Keeping the rubber down and the shiny side up” is nothing less than instinctual. When riding it you really do rely on what is hopefully years of experience to guide each move. If you ride it from south to north as we did, as you near the end of the journey you round the easiest and gentlest of the curves on the entire route as they bring you 180 degrees twice through an enjoyable “S” curve called Kudzu Corner, named for all of the trees and shrubs entangled and overtaken by the Kudzu vines. It is truly majestic. As we rode through those easiest of all of the turns, I was able to ride without the formerly required incredible levels of concentration. In the midst of my mental rest as we exited Kudzu Curve, a well-known scripture came to mind. Proverbs 3:5-6 in the New American Standard Bible says; Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
I had just finished driving 32 miles where nothing about my path had been strait. As a result, in that moment I was well aware of the high stress level I had been under for the duration. My hands were numb and tingling, and my knuckles unnaturally white from gripping the handlebars so tightly. My shoulder muscles were twisted tighter than rope from holding the motorcycle down in the turns and then pulling the handlebars up, only to force them downward immediately in the opposite direction. Don’t get me wrong…it was fun, but in that moment what I felt knowing I had completed the ride safe and sound and had not caused any injury to my sweet, sweet bride was nothing short of total relief.
Our lives can be like old Virginia route 16 sometimes. Some days it seems like life throws one curve after another at us, and it’s hard to know if you are coming or going, rising or falling, as you try to navigate with seemingly no time to anticipate what is ahead. While motorcyclists can and do rely on instinct much of the time in curvy road situations, it can get them in trouble on occasion. In life’s twists and turns if we rely on our own understanding an error causing difficulty beyond easy recovery is likely to be just around the corner.
This scripture says that trusting in the Lord is far better than relying on our instincts. The Lord knows what is ahead for us, not only just around the bend, but into the perpetuity of eternity. Jesus said He is the beginning and the end. (Revelation 22:13) It would be incorrect of us though, to interpret that to mean that Jesus was at the beginning and will be at the end, that would mean that Jesus is encompassed by time. Jesus is greater than time…Jesus created time…Jesus is the beginning and is the end because Jesus encompasses even time. With such an omniscient Lord, we can trust Him to guide us forward far more than we can trust ourselves to know what lies ahead where we cannot yet see. If we will learn to do this, we learn what it means to walk by faith and not by sight as referenced by the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:7.
What does it mean exactly to heed the instruction found in Provers 5:6? In all your ways acknowledge Him… It means we have to recognize who He is; Lord of lords, King of kings, Master, Friend, sweet, sweet Savior. It means we have to be cognizant of what He is; Loving, Merciful, Gracious, Holy, altogether Righteous, All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Unchangeable, Ever-present God. It means we have to; interact with Him, follow Him, love Him, respect Him, and give Him the credit and glory He rightly deserves. The conclusion of that verse says that if you will do all of that in regards to Christ, He will make your paths strait. Does that mean that there won’t be any more unexpected twists and turns? Does that mean you will always know what is coming before you get to it? Not at all! Jesus said “In this world you will have trouble”. (John 16:33) There will always be the need to look out for falling rock around the bend, just like the ones I had to swerve to avoid on our motorcycle ride last week. But if we Acknowledge Him and allow Him to make our paths strait, it does mean that we can trust Him to lead us directly to and through His planned path for our life. That reminds me of another passage found in Isaiah 46:10; Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things which have not been done, Saying, ‘My plan will be established, And I will accomplish all My good pleasure.
The bible says that God has a plan for each of our lives, one that includes our very best. He wants to see us develop fully into the person He was thinking about when He so fearfully and wonderfully created each of us in our mother’s womb. But He won’t ever force His plan onto your life. You have to be willing to Acknowledge that He is God, He is Lord of your life and then just as He promised He will direct your paths strait into all that He has for you!
So now, Acknowledge Him for who and what He is to you and let Him make your paths strait and…Go Be Awesome!
5th Biblical Principle of a Highly Successful Marriage – Faithfulness
Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to discover how to experience a highly successful marriage. This is the fifth edition in our series 7 Biblical Principles of a Highly Successful Marriage.
In the past few weeks we have looked at four of seven biblical principles pertaining to a highly successful marriage. They have been; #1 Compatibility, #2 Understanding that your marriage is more about your relationship with God than it is about your relationship with your spouse, #3 Holiness and #4 Selfless service.
This week I want to introduce a 5th Biblical Principle of a highly successful marriage – faithfulness. One might think that faithfulness in marriage is a no brainer, an unnecessary focal point in a series such as this one. Even the world thinks for the most part that faithfulness in marriage is important right? Maybe, but why is faithfulness something that every highly successful marriage must possess? It may be for reasons greater than you think.
Admittedly as I have said almost ad nauseam, the primary purpose of marriage as stated by God, it’s originator, is to reflect Him and represent His many characteristics. (Genesis 1:26-27) As God looks into our marital mirrors He expects to see Himself, as the world looks at our marriages they too should see an awesome likeness of who God is. A rudimentary example of this that requires no further explanation is the secondary purpose of marriage as noted by God. Then God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it…” Genesis 1:28. God is the creator of life and when joined in marriage a husband and wife are also capable of creating life. That example illustrates the simple truth that marriage is in fact reflective of God, but we can also see the necessity of the requirement that a marriage be only comprised of a man and a woman. Two similar yet uniquely different beings joined as one for the purpose of glorifying God and His vast capabilities. In past episodes I have made note of other unique differences possessed by both men and women that when joined in marriage and made one, more accurately reflect the totality God’s characteristics. One I have noted is the differences in our thinking. Each man a compartmentalized thinker while His wife is relational in her thoughts. Why that difference? Because God thinks both ways as illustrated in my podcast series Differences that Divide. Another example from that series would be the differing relational needs of a man and a woman. A husband is always looking carefully at his wife’s responses to ensure that he is respected by her for what he says, does, thinks, and believes. Likewise, she is also scrutinizing his responses to see that she is loved for those very same things.
If marriage is intended to mirror God’s characteristics, and it most certainly is, then one of the qualities that must be found in every marriage for it to be highly successful at reflecting Him is faithfulness. God is faithful therefore there can be no question that faithfulness is key to a marriage living up to its intended purpose. How do we know that He is faithful? Certainly most of us would say we have more than enough anecdotal evidence to support that claim. However, His word also makes His faithfulness abundantly evident.
Deuteronomy 7:9 Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments. We can rest assured that the Lord God is faithful. As I said a moment ago, evidence of that from our own experience abounds, however so does proof from His word. Literally thousands of God’s promises recorded in the Bible have already been fulfilled, and there will never be scriptural promise that will go unfulfilled. In the 33 years that Jesus lived on the earth alone, He fulfilled not only the 48 specific messianic prophecies, but many scholars estimate that He fulfilled over 250 other prophesies, when you count the many that are not specific to, but are closely associated with the Messiah. I love that example because of the overwhelming conclusion it draws as to God’s faithfulness. Dr. Peter Stoner author of the book, Science Speaks, calculated that the probability of one man fulfilling just 8 of the 48 messianic prophecies found in the Old Testament to be 1 in a million to the 22nd power. For those not-so-good at math that is the number 1,000,000 with 22 more zeros added! For additional context, if you were to take enough silver dollars to cover the entire state of Texas 2 feet deep, and you marked a small x marked on the back of just one coin, the odds of a blindfolded person picking out the correct coin on the first try would be the same as Jesus fulfilling all 48 of the messianic prophecies, which He in fact did.
God is not simply faithful to keep His promises. Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us, The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your Faithfulness. Here we read of God’s faithfulness in the sense that He will never let us down. We can count on Him to keep His word to us because of His great and unwavering love for us. This concept of God’s unending faithfulness is described further in Psalm 36:5 where we read, Your steadfast love oh Lord extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Furthermore, God’s word tells us that He is faithful to interact with us in the way that He has promised to. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 says Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who will also do it. Here the promise is that if we are willing to accept His Son’s sacrifice for our sin, God will keep us and find us blameless when Jesus returns. This verse clearly says that God is faithful and we can count on Him to look at us as righteous because of our acceptance of His free gift of salvation found in His Son, Jesus. I love what is says about this in Philippians 1:6. There we read, Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. The promise here is that God is absolutely going to finish the work of redemption that He has begun in our lives. His word says so. He is faithful, and we can count on it.
God is faithful to us, and therefore, as a part of the covenant with us that our marriages are a representation of, God requires our faithfulness to Him. 1 Corinthians 4:2 tells us that, Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful. In other words, the requirement on us as to our part in the Creator/created relationship is to be found to be faithful in all things. Jesus was explaining the importance God places on faithfulness one day and told a story about a businessman who went away on a trip and entrusted money to three of his employees for them to invest in his absence. When the businessman returned two of the employees had doubled his money. To those the employer said “Well done thou good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master. (Matthew 25:21 & 23) Jesus then made the point that the third employee had been afraid and had hidden the portion of money he was supposed to invest. When his employer asked for his return on investment from that employee, he was told that only the principle amount originally entrusted to him remained. Jesus called that employee wicked and unfaithful. Faithfulness matters to God. He is faithful to us and He intends and expects that we will be faithful to Him in return.
As I said earlier, our marriages are to reflect God and His character. God is faithful, and we are to be as well. We must be faithful to Him, and quite frankly He desires and expects that our faithfulness will be evident within our marriages too. In fact, according to His own word, God looks to see if we are being faithful to our spouse…to discern if we are being faithful to Him. What should our faithfulness to our spouse look like? Faithfulness is demonstrated in many ways. A few weeks ago I spoke of another of the principles of a highly successful marriage, Holiness. I described God’s holiness as being consistent and trustworthy. Faithfulness in our marriage is illustrated in much the same ways. It is being consistent. Our spouse needs to know that they can count on us to act the same way when we are out of their presence as we do when they are with us. God’s word speaks to this in Matthew 5:37 it says that we should let our ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and our ‘No,’ [be] ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. In other words, people, (our spouse especially) should be able to count on the answers we give to remain the same – no matter who from, or under what circumstances the questions arise.
Faithfulness is being true to the person who is counting on us. Faithfulness in marriage is more than being consistent, and it is also more than being sexually faithful. Those are critical components of faithfulness no doubt, but it is far more than just those things. It is an unwillingness to say or do anything that might call our allegiance to our spouse into question. One of the agreements my wife and I made before we married, was to never allow ourselves to be put into a situation where we would feel the need to explain it to the other should they show up unexpectedly. That means we won’t be found anywhere, participate in anything, or even be caught saying anything that might reasonably lead to questions of our faithfulness from the other. As I said a few moments ago, God takes the level of our faithfulness to our spouse very seriously…because it is reveals our faithfulness to Him. Generally speaking, I quote scripture in my podcasts from the New King James Version, but the meaning of this particular scripture is actually captured extremely well in the paraphrase The Message, so I will read it to you from there. Malachi 2:10-17 say, 10 Don’t we all come from one Father? Aren’t we all created by the same God? So why can’t we get along? Why do we desecrate the covenant of our ancestors that binds us together? 11-12 Judah has cheated on God—a sickening violation of trust in Israel and Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the holiness of God by falling in love and running off with foreign women, women who worship alien gods. God’s curse on those who do this! Drive them out of house and home! They’re no longer fit to be part of the community no matter how many offerings they bring to God-of-the-Angel-Armies. 13-15 And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse. 16 “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. 17 You make God tired with all your talk. “How do we tire him out?” you ask. By saying, “God loves sinners and sin alike. God loves all.” And also by saying, “Judgment? God’s too nice to judge.”
Faithfulness is so important to God because true faithfulness is a selfless act. Real faithfulness is motivated by a greater desire to do what someone else needs or wants, than to do what you might choose if you had only yourself to consider. Jesus talked about the necessity of that level of faithfulness to Him if we are going to have a correct relationship with Him. In Luke 9:23 He said “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. Faithfulness is selfless because it requires us to deny ourselves and follow the one we are being faithful to. In Matthew 10:37 Jesus said, He who loves father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me. And he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Here Jesus is dramatically illustrating the high level of faithfulness required to be in relationship with Him…because He is that faithful to us. So as we just read in Malachi, God looks to see if we will have that same selfless faithfulness toward our spouse. The Apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit then penned these commands to help us illustrate our faithfulness to our spouse and to God. In Ephesians 5:22 & 25 Paul wrote, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. As God watches us to see if we will prefer and submit to our spouse like He commanded us to, He is actually interested in finding out if we are willing to prefer and submit to Him. Faithfulness is the 5th in our list of Biblical Principles for a Highly Successful Marriage.
So now, being faithful to the God who has always faithful to you by being a faithful husband or wife…Go Be Awesome!