Pastor Ken’s Monday Marriage Message & Thoughts on a Thursday

Interpersonal Relationship Skills 101

Hi, this is Pastor Ken, I want to welcome you to my Thoughts on a Thursday Podcast where I take some regular occurrence or personal story from my life and connect it to a scriptural truth. So here are my thoughts on this Thursday, July 20^th, 2023…Interpersonal Relationship Skills 101

I noticed a video in my YouTube feed not long ago where the tagline was “What if you were the last person on earth?” The idea was supposed to address what one would find if they woke up one morning and realized they were the last person living on the planet. That got me thinking, what would it be like if I was tasked with being the last person to turn off the lights and lock the door?

As a happy, well-adjusted, bonified introvert, the first thought that I had was how peaceful it might be to experience complete isolation…for a while. How long would it take for the peace to morph into a longing for personal contact with others? Depends on who you are I guess. I think I might enjoy it for several days, maybe even a week or two. I know some people who would begin to experience anxiousness brought on by the lack of someone to talk to within a matter of minutes…if it took that long. The fact of the matter is that none of us really know how we would react in a situation like that because no one has a true frame of reference to compare it to. Many of us have some life experience that included solitude that we would draw on to decide how we might react in that scenario, but in each and every one of those experiences…eventually, contact with others was restored.

The fact of the matter is that none of us regardless of our personal situations can avoid having to figure out how to navigate interpersonal relationships. Even Tom Hanks had to figure out his relationship with Wilson. How successful we are in that endeavor depends on a number of variables not least, our motivation behind maintaining our various relationships. More often than not, we categorize our relationships by the value they bring to us and invest more of ourselves into the ones of higher importance and less into those that we deem to be more expendable. For example, we might put more effort into our relationship with an employer if we really enjoy and want to keep our job, and less effort into our relationship with a former college roommate we rarely see if ever. Immediate family members may get more of our interpersonal relationship efforts that a second cousin we haven’t seen in a decade. While this may be natural for us and we may not often even give it a second thought, our motivation or lack of, illustrates that in the natural we value some people more than others. Scriptures such as we find in the book of James, warn us against doing this. There we read that if we see one person as having higher value than another, we are in the wrong because we are commanded to love our neighbor as our self…all of our neighbors…equally. James points out that breaking any of God’s laws is as bad as breaking all of them. So what to do? We need to improve our interpersonal relationship skills by changing our motivation for maintaining our relationships.

Sometimes it isn’t a matter of how close we feel someone is to us, there are times when our interpersonal relationship skills are driven by how we feel about that person at the time. In other words, we pour into the personal relationships that encourage and uplift us and we pull back from those that we find hurtful in some way. No surprise there, right? If I get burnt touching the stove…who can blame me for wanting to steer clear of the stove when I’m in the kitchen? The problem with that reasoning is that the bible says we are to love those who hurt us and pray for those who are against us. The book of Romans teaches we should repay evil with good. Jesus Himself taught us that we must be forgiving if we are to experience the forgiveness of our Heavenly Father…and we all want His forgiveness. Right? So what are we to do when those who may be close to us are treating us in hurtful ways? We need to improve our interpersonal relationship skills by changing our motivation for maintaining our relationships.

One of the scriptures I find so helpful when I need to tune up my interpersonal relationship skills is found in Colossians 3:12-24. I find that to be helpful to remedy either my errant tendency to value people differently or my propensity to pull away from those who are not treating me as I think I should be treated. Verses 12-15 help me remember what God desires to see in me as I interact with those around me. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Verses 16&17 illustrate for me what it will look like if I allow Him to flow through me in my personal relationships with others. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Verses 18-25 give me the most help though. These assist me in having the right motivation as I interact with other people every day. They help me to correctly view everyone I come into contact with as having equal value as well as resist the tendency to interact positively only when I feel I have been treated well. In order to remind myself that there is one interpersonal relationship skill that its paramount to all others I like to recall these verses in a particular way. The first five of the verses in this section identify individual people in differing roles. The sixth verse tells us how to deal with each of them in a way that will always, always, be successful on our part. That is why I call it the most important interpersonal relationship skill of all. To make sure we keep in mind its importance to each of the relationships mentioned I like to add the sixth verse (vs. 23) after each of the five preceding it (vs. 18-22).

Vs 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. (Now vs.23) Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Vs 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. (Now vs.23) Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Vs 20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. (Now vs.23) Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Vs 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged. (Now vs.23) Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Finally, vs 22 Slaves [or employees], obey your earthly masters [or employers] in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. (one more time vs.23) Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

When we relate with everyone as though we were doing so at Christ’s request, we will do so differently than we often do now. If we look at each new opportunity to interact with someone as a chance to do it for Jesus because He is asking us to, we will likely treat that person with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, just as the verses we looked at a moment ago suggested we should. We will be much more likely to make allowances for each other’s faults and be forgiving of one another. Working willingly at whatever we do, as though we were working for the Lord rather than for people, is the ultimate interpersonal relationship skill, because it leaves no room for miscalculating the value a person should have in our lives. If they are important to Christ (and they are), then they need to be important to us as well.

With that, we will conclude with verse 24. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. We don’t simply interact with others as if we were doing it for the Lord. Verse 24 points out we are doing it for the Lord. He is our Master, we are His servants. If we get that relationship right, odds are we will get the rest of them more right than we ever have in before.

So now, interacting with those around you in the same way you would if Jesus asked you to personally, because Jesus is asking you to personally, hone up on your best interpersonal relationship skill and…Go be Awesome!

Marriage & Divorce Vol. 10

Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage.
This will be the final installment in our study of marriage and divorce based on the conversation Jesus had with the Pharisees recorded for us in the 19th chapter of Matthew and the 10th chapter or Mark. I hope this in-depth look at this topic has been both interesting and informative. Most of all I hope it has spurred you on to recommitting to your own covenantal marital relationship. Additionally, if you have been through divorce yourself as I have, I pray you have not found this study to be judgmental or condemning in nature. It is my hope that you have heard what I think Jesus intended even the Pharisees to hear…that there is forgiveness and grace for our failures, but that future blessing relies on our willingness to repent and choose to follow God’s best for us going forward.
Last time we looked to the conclusion of that recorded conversation. Both Mark and Matthew record that after finishing His discussion with the Pharisees, Jesus then spoke privately with His disciples answering some questions they had on their minds after listening to the exchange.
Mark simply tells us that, In the house, the disciples also asked Him about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces His wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Mark 10:10-12 I believe Jesus was saying several important things here. First we know from what we read a few weeks ago in Malachi 2:15-16 that God is seriously opposed to divorce. In fact, in that study we saw that the original Hebrew text intimated that in the context of that passage divorce actually means to be ‘opposite God’. We certainly know that Jesus would not have spoken contradictory to scripture. In His answer to His disciples, Jesus seems to address two separate issues, both divorce and re-marriage. First, He speaks concerning if a man or woman divorce…but mentions no consequence as a result of the divorce. I certainly don’t think this indicates Jesus approves of divorce, nor that there are no consequences if someone chooses to divorce. As I just mentioned God’s word found in Malachi already indicates that one of the consequence is being outside the will of God. That will certainly require repentance and will likely be the catalyst for various other natural consequences often including but not limited to broken homes, familial dysfunction, financial difficulty, etc. The next part of Jesus statement to the disciples addresses the second consideration “and marries another”. This does include a stated consequence. Jesus said that if someone divorces and remarries another, they commit adultery against their former spouse. Why did Jesus include this difficult statement? I believe He did so for several reasons. First I think Jesus meant for us to wrestle heavily with the importance God places on marriage. God endorses marriage…not divorce. I believe whole-heartedly that God recognizes divorce as ending a marriage, but that does not alter the fact that He intends only death to conclude the marital relationship, hence, His graphic description of a violent murder scene in Malachi when talking about the matter. I also believe that Jesus response to the Samaritan woman He encountered at Jacob’s well indicates God’s recognition of divorce concluding marriage. In John 4:16-18 it is recorded that Jesus said to her, “Go call your husband and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said I have no husband, for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband, in that, you spoke truly.” Jesus was clear that the woman had been married five times and was in fact living in a sixth relationship that had not been consecrated by marriage. The intimation is that this poor woman had been a part of several divorces and remarriages. Jesus called each of those marriages valid. The only one not validated was the current one because according to Christ, no marriage between those two had taken place. God clearly validates divorce, but just as clearly does not endorse it. So, what was Jesus point? I think that the point Jesus was making here is that divorce is errantly seen by mankind as a solution for a ‘problematic marriage’. I think that Jesus is simply trying to point out that instead of solving problems, divorce simply creates an additional set of problems that will also have to be dealt with, and does not solve any that formerly existed. If there are problems in our marriages, the solution is to deal with the problems, not compound them.
I in no way desire to minimize what Christ was expressed so succinctly. Divorce goes against God’s best for us and potentially creates all kinds of unintended consequences. Context is incredibly important here. Let’s not forget that Jesus was speaking with His disciples at this point in a private setting. These were the men that He would rely upon to continue spreading the good news of the gospel as well as to teach the soon to be born church how to walk in righteousness. Jesus is not about what we can get away with and still be considered ok spiritually. Jesus is all about righteousness and the perfecting process of His bride.
The book of Matthew records more information about this private exchange with the disciples. In his account Matthew wrote that Jesus told the Pharisees that if someone divorced for any reason other than sexual unfaithfulness and remarried they would be guilty of committing adultery. Remember this was said to Pharisees who thought they were within the bounds of the law to divorce for any reason at all. Jesus stern response to these men apparently got His disciples thinking that such a strict view of the sanctity of marriage was not only unusual but perhaps too difficult to follow through with. We read their response in Matthew 19:10-12. His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only to those whom it has been given; For there are Eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.
Jesus’ disciples were doing what many of us often do when we don’t like direction we have been given. Most of us will counter unwanted guidance with an extreme. We do this because we find what we have just been told to be an extreme, so we respond with one of our own. It is an act of immaturity and is often easy to recognize in our children even if we don’t want to see it in ourselves. A teenager who has just been told they can’t go out with their friends for one reason or another may counter with a statement like “I guess I’ll just have to stay home forever then!” This is essentially what the disciples were doing. Jesus had simply stated a truth concerning the high value God places on His miraculous act of taking a man and a woman and making them one for the purpose of reflecting Himself. The truth Jesus expressed: Unless pornea has impacted marriage there are no grounds for divorce. Essentially Jesus was saying even if a marriage is terrible, if both spouses remain faithful sexually, they should stay put in their “One Flesh” condition and submit to God and look to Him to be the healer of their broken marriage. The disciples responded by saying, “If you have to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy, maybe it is better to just not get married in the first place!”
Jesus simply illustrated to them that their thinking on the matter was flawed by taking it a step further. He told them that most people would not be cut out for a life of celibacy. There are those who are born unable to experience sexual union, and there are those who have been made that way by others. This latter statement was likely in reference to the practice of slaves sometimes being castrated by their masters to remove their sexual drive and keep them focused on their work. Finally, Jesus said that there are those who willingly give up their own physical desires to further the Kingdom of God. Paul spoke of this as well in 1 Corinthians chapter seven. Jesus response to the extreme statement made by the disciples pointed out that a life of voluntary celibacy was unrealistic without a specific calling on one’s life to do so, and that it was not a viable way of avoiding sin. Choosing not to marry to avoid sin is useless since the opportunity to sin is equally possible for someone who is single. The disciples had essentially said that if divorce without the pornea exception and subsequent remarriage would constitute adultery then better to not marry. Jesus responded that an unmarried person with normal sexual desire would be at an equal or even greater risk of sexual sin.
As a marriage counselor, I have had many people challenge Jesus statements about marriage and divorce. Those who question the validity of what He said in the conversation He had with the Pharisees want to use the Pharisee’s sin as the basis for why Jesus made such strict statements and therefore remove from themselves any need to submit to the same standard. I might be able to go down that road except that both Mark and Matthew also recorded the private conversation Jesus had with His disciples afterward. In that exchange, Jesus made no reference to the Pharisees at all. He spoke directly to the disciples. This can only mean that Jesus words did not apply only to the Pharisees but to the disciples as well. That means if we claim to be Christians, disciples of Jesus, they apply to us too.
I understand that in our society (and we think we have progressed as a society though I believe there is actually much proof to the contrary) there are many reasons good enough for divorce. We believe (as a society) that abuse, physical, emotional, mental, or otherwise is cause for divorce. Jesus does not agree. We think that if our spouse is harsh and we don’t think the way they parent is healthy it is a good enough reason to divorce. Jesus does not agree. We believe that if a marriage is unhealthy for us, (and we alone are the one who can decide if it is or is not healthy), we should be free to divorce. Jesus does not agree. We go so far as to say that if we have irreconcilable differences (whatever they are) it is probably better to divorce. Jesus does not agree. Does Jesus then want us to endure all of the things I mentioned and possibly even other hurtful things in our marriages? Of course not! However, Jesus understands people because He created them. Jesus also understands marriage because He invented it. Jesus understands sin because He died to pay the price for it, none of which had been committed by Him. Jesus understands, and with all of that understanding, Jesus understands something else that your grandmother understood…two wrongs won’t make it right. Having been the one who made people, instituted marriage and died to pay the price for our sin, Jesus understands better than anyone that divorce will not solve any problem…it only complicates it.
So now, understanding more about why it is so important to remain in the one flesh condition God created of us. Trust Him to guide and direct how to work out the problematic difficulties in your marriage…and go be awesome!

Vacuuming The Pool

A few days ago I was up earlier than normal and having noticed the day before that the pool needing vacuuming, I decided to do it during the coolest part of the day. Though I don’t enjoy that particular task when the sun is high in the sky and quite hot, I do find it relaxing early in the morning or later in the evening. When my boys and I erected the pool some years ago, in our haste, we didn’t get the bottom of the liner stretched as tightly as we should have. As a result there are now quite a few small folded creases in the pool bottom that cannot be corrected at this point because of the weight of the water keeping them from shifting. As I said these are numerous but small so they don’t really cause any problems…Except that the dirt carried into the pool on the feet of our veritable tribe of grandchildren seems to invariably find its way into those folds and crevasses. Before long, the dirt in those folds begin to look like so many dark lines on the bottom of the pool notifying me that it needs the attention of the vacuum.

As I was standing there slowly moving the vacuum head back and forth paying close attention to the dark lines of the folds in the liner I began to think about how the task I was engaged in was analogous to the cleaning God does in our lives. I am far from omniscient, but I know the dirt exists even though much of it may be hiding from my sight. It is my pool, I look into it daily, and I am well aware of its contents. Jeremiah 23:24 talks about our inability to hide ourselves or our actions from God. In the New King James Version, it says, Can anyone hide himself in secret places, So I shall not see him?” says the Lord; “Do I not fill heaven and earth?” says the Lord. There is nothing that takes place in our lives that escapes the oversight of God. As the supreme, all-powerful, Creator He must necessarily be and is greater than all that He has created. God is so immense and all-encompassing that there is nothing He has fashioned that is devoid of His presence. We can look at this in either of two ways. We can choose to see Him as an intrusive authoritarian who is always watching us trying to catch us doing some wrong. Or, we can find Him to be our Heavenly Father whose love for us is so immense and intense that He desires to walk so closely to us that nothing that impacts us, escapes Him.

When I busy myself cleaning the pool I do so because I know the danger of leaving it uncared for. Much of the dirt in the pool is of an organic kind. Grass clippings, leaf particles, and things of that nature that get into the pool become waterlogged and slowly sink to the bottom. With the constant moving water propelled by the pump and children swimming those seemingly trivial pieces of debris tuck themselves into those small folds I mentioned. Once there, algae spores can attach themselves and if not vacuumed out regularly the dirt will essentially begin to grow and multiply. If I neglect to insert myself into that process by daily inspecting the pool water, soon the water will lose its clarity and become cloudy. If this were to happen and I remained uninterested, it would soon turn green and be unsuitable for swimming in.

I don’t look at myself as a busy-body because I check on the condition of my pool daily. I don’t think of my interest in the pool as being motivated by the frustration of potentially dirty water. I invest my time in the condition of my pool because I want the water to be clean so that it can be enjoyed by my children and grandchildren.

God does not desire to be an intrusion in our lives, He wants His ever-present nature to be a blessing to us. I don’t think He hopes He will have to remove sin found in our lives, I believe He hopes that the righteousness of Christ living in us will keep us clean and seeking increased righteousness in our thoughts, words and actions. His plan is that as Christ increases in our lives our sinful nature decreases. God’s great love for us and our healthy spiritual condition motivates Him to continuously look into, and at the condition of, our hearts and minds.

Psalm 139 is all about God’s constant, loving oversight. The first six verses speak specifically to how close He pays attention to us…O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! God pays such close attention to our lives because He loves us so much.

When I notice the debris accumulating in my pool I have to get the vacuum out because I do not want the dirt to have an adverse effect on the clarity and health of the water. God also is willing to enter our lives and clean us when necessary so that the sin doesn’t find a foothold and multiply. The final verses of Psalm 139 speak to King David’s invitation for the cleansing work of God. Verses 23 and 24 say this, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

When we invite the Holy Spirit’s conviction into our lives it is intended to be a positive experience. Don’t get me wrong, it is difficult at first, but the more you see the benefits of His redemptive work in your life the more grateful you become for His conviction. I don’t enjoy finding that sin has crept in, and what offends God should offend me, but the fact that sin is being pointed out so that it can be cleaned up should be cause for gratitude. Thankfully if God points our sin out, and we respond with repentance, He will clean us up. 1^st John 1:9 says If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That is worth being happy about.

So now, inviting the Holy Spirit’s convicting and redemptive power into your life so that you can be cleansed of the impurities that make their way in, thank God for the close eye He keeps on you and…Go be Awesome!

Marriage & Divorce Vol. 9

Hi, this is Pastor Ken thanks for joining me once again for the Monday Marriage Message where we search God’s instructions to experience a highly successful marriage.

This will be the ninth installment in our series focusing on the topic of marriage and divorce based primarily on a conversation Jesus had with some of the Pharisees recorded for us in Matthew chapter 19 and Mark chapter 10. Over the past several weeks we have looked at that portion of the law from Deuteronomy the Pharisees were using as evidence for their position in the discussion, as well as scripture found in the book of Malachi that clearly states God’s stance on the matter. This week we will resume with the conversation Jesus was involved in that we stepped away from a few episodes back.

When we last visited their conversation, Jesus had just asked the Pharisees a couple of questions. I will remind you as I have shared in past episodes that I believe Jesus was having a three-way conversation between himself, and two opposing groups of Pharisees. Though it is admittedly only my belief that both of these groups were independently questioning Jesus as a part of the overall conversation, the existence of these differing groups is not in question. The two schools, one of Hillel and the other of Shammai were so named after the sages who founded them. Those who followed Shammai were more conservative when it came to matters of divorce believing based on Deuteronomy 24:1-4 that some indecency must be found in one’s wife to justify divorcing her. I believe the book of Mark records the portion of the conversation that was the exchange with them. The school of Hillel was far more liberal in terms of what they believed Deuteronomy 24:1-4 allowed as grounds for divorce. Their position was that all a man needed was be displeased with his wife, literally for any reason, and He could divorce her. It is my thought that Matthew chapter 19 records Jesus’ interaction with these men.

It is recorded for us in Mark 10:3-4 that Jesus asked the Pharisees, “What did Moses Command you?” to which they replied, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and dismiss her.” It is recorded in Matthew 19:4-7 that his question to them was “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and put her away?”

In recent episodes I’ve uncovered for you the scripture they were using as the basis for their replies to Jesus. In Volume 6 of this series I went through the portion of the law found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and broke it down explaining its meaning phrase by phrase. In volume 7, I explained the differences between demonstrable law and case law, along with other facts important to the correct interpretation of the aforementioned scripture. Additionally, I explained why the Pharisee’s sinful actions of the time tempted them to misappropriate this particular scripture.

Before moving on to the conclusion of the exchange between Jesus and the Pharisees, I want to point out why I believe Jesus to have been speaking with delegates of both of these groups. I think that His questions to each recorded by Mark and then Matthew were intentionally presented because of their varying thought processes. I think Jesus asked each questions that lent themselves specifically to the more conservative or liberal beliefs of the two groups. I also believe that because the Pharisee’s had come to Jesus with only one unified mindset…to test and entrap Jesus in His answers, He turned the tables and allowed their selfish motivations to entrap them in the answers they gave. In doing this, Christ not only avoided the pitfall they were attempting to lay to cause Him a problem, He also exposed the error in both groups thinking, and that it was robbing them of the opportunity to know the fullness of God’s blessing in their own marriages.

Picking up now where we left off, let’s look at what Jesus had to say in response to the Pharisees answers to His questions. Mark 10:5-9 tell us, And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart, he [Moses] wrote you this precept. [Deuteronomy 24:1-4]. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let not man separate. In this account given us by Mark and in my belief, spoken to the more conservative group of Pharisees, this is His reply to their answer to What did Moses command you? This reply clearly indicated to them that their error was in the portion of the law they were turning to when considering the topic. Jesus was redirecting them to the correct answer regarding what Moses had commanded them in Genesis 2:24. Christ was clearly saying that the command once married was to remain in the “One Flesh” condition God had created of them and their spouse. Jesus went on to reiterate that what God does, in this case taking a man and a woman and making them one, man does not have the capacity to undo…and shouldn’t even try.

Matthew 19:8-9 record what Jesus told the Pharisees who asked “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” What was Jesus saying to these men? Was He saying it to just them, or was it for all of us? In my belief…both. These were the far more liberal group of Pharisees. These were of the school of Hillel who believed that Deuteronomy 24 gave them license to divorce their wives for any reason they found fit. These men were extremely cavalier when it came to their marriages. For them, marriage was little more than an arrangement that allowed them to have sex with a woman without committing fornication. Because of their incredibly casual valuation of marriage, their hearts had become very calloused and hard toward their relationship with God. They were mutilating scriptural guidance meant to direct them into blessing so they could pervert it, and use it to justify their own wanton selfishness. Historical documents of the time reveal that these particular Pharisees were literally marrying and then divorcing as soon as their desire for a new wife emerged. Their use of marriage had nothing to do with covenant and everything to do with covering up their sinful hearts by ensuring they were married to the current woman of their desire. There was never any intention for their marriages to last a lifetime…only as long as their lust endured.

With this historical context in mind, it becomes clearer that Jesus was indeed speaking directly to these men. He was pointing out their hypocrisy by telling them that if they divorced for any reason short of pornea, the unfaithful sexual immorality of a spouse, they were committing adultery, and were causing anyone who married their former spouse to commit adultery. Jesus’ answer contained an incredibly interesting parallel to the facts in evidence in the very case law the Pharisees used to justify their freedom to divorce. If you will recall, the circumstances of the case were that if a man found some indecency short of sexual immorality and divorced his wife, it was insinuated that by unjustifiably putting her in a position to remarry another, her former husband defiled her.

What about Jesus statement that Moses had indeed permitted them to divorce…even if because of the hardness of their hearts? Doesn’t that indicate God says we can divorce? Yes…and no. God will let us divorce, but does not offer His express permission to do so. We can’t accurately cherry pick the parts of Jesus statement we like and ignore the existence of the ones we don’t. His words recorded for us in Matthew 19:8 were “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Considering His complete statement there are several things that must be taken into account if we are going to use this scripture to endorse divorce.

“Because of the hardness of your hearts” Jesus is abundantly clear…divorce is a result of a hard heart. While we might think the hardened heart is toward the spouse of the one seeking a divorce, and that might be true, I believe Jesus was pointing out it really reveals a hard heart toward God. Jesus said that short of pornea we shouldn’t try to undo what God has done. To do so is to act in opposition to God. A person in a “bad marriage” who seeks to divorce, is a person who has decided to end the marriage instead of waiting on God to have His will and way. Am I saying that if people will simply remain in difficult marriages longer God will always change the heart of their spouse…I am not. What I am saying is that to remain in the “One Flesh” condition God created is the best setting for necessary change to take place…in both spouses.
“Moses…permitted you to divorce your wives” first we have to look at the inference in the original text we translate to the English word permitted. Literally it means that Moses suffered them to divorce their wives. the meaning is much the same as when we allow, permit, or suffer our children to make a difficult mistake that we know will have painful consequences. No good parent does this when they might be able to persuade their child to do the right thing. This permission is only given when the child cannot be dissuaded and they are headstrong to do the wrong thing. The parent then stands back, knowing their child is in no uncertain terms headed for a painful outcome, but helplessly remains as close as allowed to help pick up the pieces later. This statement in no way indicated Moses or God had agreed with the people that divorce was a solution to their difficult marriages.
“but from the beginning it was not so” Here Jesus was making the point that divorce has never been the plan when it comes to marriage. Therefore, when we divorce we are acting contrary to God’s plan for us, and we are outside His will. Tough words I know, but Jesus said them, you’ll have to plead for your own exclusion. Or…if you have divorced you can do what should be done, repent. This is one of the most difficult, and freeing things you can do. Ask God to forgive you for stepping outside of His plan for your marriage and your life. If necessary, seek the forgiveness of a former spouse as well. Then regardless of your current marital status, determine in your heart you will never go down that road again. In the future you will allow God to lead and to guide, but you will not seek to undo what He has done.

So now, committing to remain in the “One Flesh” condition God has created of you and your spouse, and seeking His help to make your marriage all He wants it to be…Go Be Awesome!

Fresh Baked Bread

When I was a teenager my mom spent one entire day, literally from right after breakfast until the evening mealtime, baking for the week ahead. With three boys as well as her and dad, our family went through about 8 loaves of bread a week along with various other baked goods. She would make homemade English muffins, cookies, cakes, rolls…whatever we needed along with the constant of 8 loaves of fresh bread. With seven days in a week, and the family consuming one loaf a day, the 8^th had a special purpose. On baking day, the last items to take their turn in the oven always included that special 8^th loaf. That loaf was a blessing. The delicious smell of the house on baking day was phenomenal! The entire house smelled of freshly baked bread and cookies and anything else on mom’s culinary to-do list. Experiencing that aroma without being able to sample its tasty goodness would have been akin to cruel and unusual punishment. Because of that, mom always baked the 8^th loaf. We all knew that on that particular day of the week, whatever we had for dinner would be accompanied by a warm delicious loaf of fresh baked bread. Now it is my wife Lynn who on most weeks’ labors in our kitchen to produce homemade bread for the two of us. The old family tradition still stands. On baking day, we enjoy warm freshly baked bread with dinner…what a blessing indeed!

This is the bread we ask for when we pray, “Give us this day our daily bread”. It is the sustenance for our physical bodies. We need all kinds of various nutrients for our continued health, but I understand that if the flour were ground from whole grains a very basic diet of bread and water would likely sustain life for a very long time…perhaps indefinitely. Certainly we know that the Israelite people survived for the better part of 40 years in the wilderness eating only manna, the bread that fell each day from heaven. The fact that the bible tells us that the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof (Psalm 24:1-2) is reason enough to look to God for our daily provision. We absolutely should do as Jesus taught His disciples to do and pray each day that God will supply our needs out of His great love and the abundance of His incredible wealth.

Jesus had some other things to say about bread though, that were equally, if not more important. The first comes from the gospel of Matthew. There in chapter 4 we read of Jesus during His own wilderness experience He was led into by the Holy Spirit. (vs. 1) Jesus chose to use His time there fasting and spending it close to God the Father. After 40 days of fasting the bible tells us that Jesus was very hungry, and that is when the devil came to tempt Him. Satan suggested that since Jesus was the Son of God, He should turn the stones into bread. This is interesting to me on several levels. First, Satan came to tempt Jesus when He knew would be most vulnerable. Second, Satan knew that it was Jesus who had created the stones, and was therefore tempting Him with His own creative license. What I mean by that is that I think the devil was saying, “Look, you are the one who made the stone, so if you are hungry, is it not within your authority to re-purpose your creation of a stone and now turn it into a loaf of bread?” Jesus however, quoting scripture, pointed out in His answer that to do so at the whim of Satan, would be to submit to Satan’s authority, and that was exactly what Satan desired. He wanted Jesus to worship him. Jesus knew He was in the wilderness at the behest of God’s Holy Spirit, and should only ever submit to the authority of God. He answered and said, “It is written, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God”. (Vs. 4) This was a reference to Deuteronomy 8:1-3. There Moses reminded the people of Israel that they had received the commandments of the Lord directly from God and it was those very commandments that would be their strength and sustenance, not simply bread. Moses pointed out that this is why God had provided manna during their wilderness experience. He gave them a bread that was unlike any they had ever known or anyone had ever seen before. God did this so that they could identify that it was He and He alone who was providing for them. In light of His provision, God hoped they would understand that it really is only from every word that comes out of God’s mouth, whether a word of instruction, or a word of provision, that we exist. Acts 17:28 says For in Him we live, and move, and have our being…

In the Gospel of John chapter 6 we read of another time Jesus spoke about the bread from heaven. At the beginning of that chapter we find the account of Jesus feeding the 5000, where He fed 5000 men along with additional women and children. That passage goes on to record that Jesus began that occasion with just 5 barley loaves and 2 small fish and yet…He divided it up to feed what many estimate to be a crowd of 12,000-15,000 people! The next day those same people found Him and His disciples again and Jesus knowing that they were only looking for Him so He would possibly feed them again, He said this to them. “I tell you the truth, Moses didn’t give you bread from heaven. My Father did. And now he offers you the true bread from heaven. The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” “Sir,” they said, “give us that bread every day.” Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. (John 6:32-35) Just a moment later He told them again, “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life. Yes, I am the bread of life! Your ancestors ate manna in the wilderness, but they all died. Anyone who eats the bread from heaven, however, will never die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever; and this bread, which I will offer so the world may live, is my flesh.” (John 6:47-51)

God is our supplier…end of story. From His great abundance God gives us everything including the bread on our tables, and we should be very grateful for it. Jesus taught us to ask for His provision each day. In the wilderness, God provided for His people even when they were walking out the consequences of their own sin. Every day He spoke into existence the manna that would fall from the sky and came to be known to them as the bread of Heaven. However, physical bread will only get you so far. Each day you need more or eventually you will die. And so, God sent His one and only Son Jesus Christ to carry the consequences of all of our sin. In doing that He was providing for us the spiritual provision we needed to live with Him for eternity. Because of that Jesus could in fact say that He was the true bread of Heaven. If we will take Him into our lives and accept that His death pays the price for our sin, we can “Eat of Him” and never die.

I love it when I arrive at home after a day at work and can smell from the driveway that it has been baking day. I know from the wonderful aroma that I am going to get to enjoy warm, fresh baked bread with my dinner. I am absolutely grateful for my wife’s labor of love on those special days, and the blessing I am about to receive. However, even warm, freshly baked bread doesn’t begin to compare to the blessing of having received the Bread of Heaven, Jesus Christ, my Redeemer, my Lord and Sweet, Sweet Savior, into my life!

So now, Thanking God daily for His provision for your greatest need, freedom from your sin through the sacrifice of His own Son, Jesus …Go be Awesome!

Running On Reserve

Yesterday morning, I was driving to work on my motorcycle which is far and away my preferred mode of transportation this time of year. As I left the driveway I failed to look down at the dash on the fairing and after a night’s sleep had completely forgotten the low position of the gas gauge the day before. I can assure you that will never happen again!

I was riding along enjoying the warm morning air and the sights, and smells of the countryside when all of the sudden…the engine seemed to be losing power. It stuttered, then spit once or twice and finally gave a cough that was intended to inform me I was not going any further on that motorcycle, under those conditions. At first I thought there was something mechanically wrong with the bike…then I realized it wasn’t that at all…it was completely out of gas.

I shifted the motorcycle into neutral so that I could coast as far as possible. The church where I work was in sight, so whatever coasting I might be able to do would make walking (or worse yet) pushing the heavy motorcycle less tedious. As I rolled along the shoulder of the road without power I remembered that motorcycles have a unique feature that was designed for just such an occasion. The fuel valve under a motorcycle’s gas tank features three positions; on – off – and reserve. By rotating the valve 180 degrees from the on position it allows the fuel in the bottom of the tank to be used allowing one who has run out of gas to drive a short distance to a station to fill the tank. Remembering that, I stopped, flipped the valve in the appropriate direction, and in a few seconds had the engine roaring back to life, and I rode the rest of the way to work. I can promise you the next stop when I left there at the end of the day, was the gas station!

The experience reminded me of another that had actually happened earlier that very morning. When My alarm clock sounded and I woke up I was still tired and wanted to lay there just a few extra minutes. Some mornings I just don’t pop out of bed like I did each day in my younger years. I reasoned that it would be alright if I lay there a few extra minutes. However, I don’t get up hours before I have to leave in the morning, I never have. Since I was a teenager, I have set my alarm each day leaving just enough time to get out of bed, do the necessary things to make myself presentable, and walk out the door. I will readily admit though that the amount of time needed to accomplish the same list of things has become increasingly longer the older I have gotten. What was at one time 15 minutes has become an hour and likely will be a few hours before it I go to heaven which I understand to be timeless…so it won’t matter there.

Contemplating laying there for a few extra minutes would necessitate something else be omitted from my morning routine. The dogs were still going to want to eat, and go outside, my appearance would still need the allotted time for dressing and hygiene…so, I figured it might mean less time with my bible in my lap having my devotions. I am a pastor after all…I can read the bible at work and nobody thinks I am doing something I shouldn’t. As I admitted, I wanted to lay there; but a cold dog’s nose nudging me from beside the bed, the strong sense of responsibility instilled by my parents, and a deep love for my Savior caused my head to rise, my body to sit up, and my feet to hit the floor.

I will admit the time I now spend with the Lord each morning has not always been the case. However, in the past 15 years or so, I have come to understand how critical it is for me to do that. It is, simply put, as important to me and my ability to function as God wants me to, as gasoline is to the smooth operation of my motorcycle. The tank on my motorcycle is of a capacity that will allow me to ride to work several days without a fill-up. Not so with my spiritual one, that needs to be refilled every day because as an imperfect vessel, I leak. I need the refreshed input of the Holy Spirit to fill me new each morning. I need to refocus my mind on my Lord regularly…and by regularly I mean daily, if I want to consider things with the mind of Christ.

Isaiah 26:3 in the New King James Version says You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. There are too many variables in our lives everyday to risk making decisions about; what to do, where to go, who to interact with and how to do that correctly, without considering what Christ would have us do in each of those situations. In fact, the sheer number of decisions we are faced with daily can rob us of a peaceful existence. This scripture tells us that God desires for us to live in perfect peace…no matter what may come our way. It also gives the formula for obtaining that kind of peace. This passage says that perfect peace is a state of being, given to all who have directed their minds and thoughts to what their Lord desires of, and for them. I can’t speak for you, but in my case a What Would Jesus Do? bracelet isn’t going to cut it as I make all those decisions each day. I often wonder…without reading and studying the Word of God, how are we supposed to know what the Word would do? The Apostle John wrote of Jesus In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life and the life was the light of men. John 1:1-4 If Jesus is the Word…and He is, how do we determine what Jesus would do, if we don’t know what the Word says?

Isaiah 26:3 goes on to say that those whose minds are stayed on Him, or in other words those who are continuously in His Word, do so because they have put their trust in Him. There is an important reverse truth here that I don’t think we can afford to ignore. Those who put their trust in Him…allow their minds to be turned toward His words and His thoughts. To put it simply and personally, If I don’t fill my spiritual tank with His word each and every day, when I make decisions they will be illustrative of my thoughts, which will clearly indicate it is me I trust. Think about it, if we trust someone, we follow their lead. If instead we do what we think best, it clearly means we trust ourselves more than we trust them. I have to go to God’s word each day to see His leading. You just can’t follow what you don’t care to look at.

I might be able to fill my motorcycle tank once a week, but not so for my spiritual one. As I admitted earlier, that particular tank has to be refilled each and every day. That isn’t simply a personal assessment…it’s true for all of us. How can I say that? Because Jesus said it. In John 8:31&32 He said to those who believe in Him… and that includes you and me…“If you abide in my word you are my disciples indeed, and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free”. The keyword here is abide. To abide means to live in, just like we abide in our homes. We live every day, so to abide in God’s Word, to abide in Christ, is to live in it every day. If you want to live but only take a breath once a week…it wouldn’t be enough and you would die…even if you took that breath on Sundays. You just can’t run that far on reserve.

Psalm 1:2-3 in the New Living Translation says [Blessed are] they [that] delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.

So now, delighting in the Law of the Lord, living in his word every day and enjoying the peace that comes from trusting Him…Go Be Awesome!